What is love?
I’m not asking about what is you, who are you, or whatever it is related to those two questions just because I constantly call you ‘Love’.
I mean, I do love you and all, but, the definition itself sometimes makes me wondering, to the point where I spent my whole Sunday thinking about it.
Subconsciously thinking about it, of course, it’s been bugging me the whole day.
Let’s start with what you already knew.
It isn’t Disney fairy tale, with random prince charming, white horse and its knight, nor with happily-ever-after-forever-and-ever-and-ever caption.
It isn’t always filled with roses, chocolates, wine, fancy dates, trips, fun, excitement, or romance– no– we’ve been through this numerous times.
Sometimes, love is grand, and sometimes it’s not, to the point where you just want to drop it all and run away because you can’t imagine or just simply doesn’t want the rest of your life to be in that horrifying state.
True, sometimes it isn’t fun, but that doesn’t make it less important.
In fact, during the most difficult and trying times, to love and to continue to love, is actually the most important thing people can and have to do.
Now, before I continue, I know you might see me differently right now after what I’ve written in the previous posts about myself and all.
I know that you might be tired seeing me emphasizing this point about me being in a completely heartless state over and over and over again, up to the state where it looks like I really am proud and now gloating over it.
That’s not true.
I’m struggling with myself right now, and I clearly am not proud of this condition.
Back to the topic.
From a simple point of view, love is just truly seeing, and caring about another human being’s existence and welfare– it is wanting to be there for someone – you – to support them and help them grow– to make a difference in their life.
It is to share in and care about someone else’s happiness and struggles other than your own, and that means doing it even when it’s hard as hell.
Even, and especially, when you do not really want to.
Because, well, when everything in life is transient, it seems like love becomes the only thing that endures, it is the only thing that can endure life.
Because regardless of how successful you are, how educated, heeled, or rich you are– regardless of all your accomplishments and accolades and accoutrements, a life without love– without love for others, without loving others– this life of ours, it will always feel empty; always.
For, think about it, in the space of our inescapable mortality and certain death, when everything that is trivial falls away or melts away, we are left with love.
At the end of the day, at the end of it all, all we have is love, and all we have is each other, just look at what people would remember when their loved ones died.
Their moments with them, their memories with them, all in the name of love.
And that means, to miss love, to not realize it and act on it, is to miss the fullness, or even the richness of your entire existence in this world.
I even dare to say that, to have never loved is simply to have never lived.
But, there are some that argues that love is just not that, it’s more than feelings, it’s more of a choice– a commitment, a hard work.
And that is true, too.
Some people came to realize that planning to love someone– or choosing to love someone– is actually one of the most beautiful things about love.
It is said that real love is an unconditional commitment to an imperfect person.
Even if it’s about choice, just like what I wrote above, it’s still more than just some random, euphoric feeling we have towards another human being.
Real love is not easy, it’s nothing like infatuation.
True, no one falls in love by choice, it is by chance, but no one stays in love by chance, it is by work, and by choice, we have to work for it to get it.
And most importantly, no one falls out of love by chance, because it’s a choice.
Now we know that love isn’t always that beautiful, and now we know that we have a choice to love, and we have to commit to it and plan on it being a hard work, which brings us to the next question about love:
What makes the love real, then?
The lover ? The loved ones ?
Or the means by which love is conveyed ?
If you have seen the movie Her (2013) – which if you haven’t seen it (which I’m sure you haven’t) then you really should – then you should have known that what makes love real doesn’t stick to how you do things to a certain person in the name of love– it’s not that cheap.
It’s like, actions doesn’t really define anything, because actions are not really definite for every person that takes the certain action.
I mean, every person could do whatever it is they want, label it as an act in the name of love, and said that they did it because they were in love and all.
But, it’s always a matter of perspective, one person could perceive that another person doesn’t really do anything, but maybe, in that another person’s reality, that person is actually doing whatever it is that he/she could.
Personally? I do think what makes the love real is.. The lover.
Think about this example that came from my experience.
I wanted to buy Edward Gibbon’s Decline and Fall of The Roman Empire books, consists of 6 volumes, hardback, unabridged, and came in fancy boxes.
At first, I had a hard time deciding whether I should buy the books or not.
Not only that they are expensive ($300), I could be having a hard time if I do not have enough time to read all of those, especially with my workload.
As I was wondering and looking at the books in the online store, a particular co-worker came to me, and we had this short conversation that changed everything:
“What are those? Another books?”
“Expensive ones, and I’m thinking whether I should buy them or not.”
“These things are what usually made me wonder whether they are worthy enough to be bought and sit on my bookshelves, or they are just bunch of overpriced shits.”
“Well, it’s easy: Do you want it?”
“Apparently, I do.”
“Then just buy it.”
“That’s all the worth that you need, if you want it bad enough, then you should buy it. That might apply to every single thing that you want in this world.”
“As simple as that?”
That conversation changed my way of thinking and looking at things.
When it comes to decide something, all we have to ask is.. Ourselves, I guess.
It doesn’t matter how bad, mediocre, or how good the thing that we want is, the thing that matters is, are we going to regret choosing it later?
True, worthiness of something might be definite, it’s a quality, and we both know that it does tied to a certain thing, it always is.
But, at the end of the day, the power to choose something lies on us.
Same thing with love.
What makes love real for me is your quality, your kindness, your passion, your personality, your physical appearance, everything it is that you have in you.
But, you will always be a raw, unpolished Diamond if I didn’t decide to love you.
I alone decided that you’re worthy of my heart– of my love.
Love, it’s because of you that I made this love that I have for you real.
But it’s always me, it’s always me that decide whether you’re worth it or not.
Hence, that’s why I said that what makes love real resides in The Lover themselves.
When it comes to questions and thoughts about you, I always ask myself:
Are you someone that I can sit with in the darkness? Are you someone I can sit with in silence? Are you someone I can spend hours with doing nothing else but counting the distance between lightning and thunder?
Because life is more than a forever of picture perfect moments – it’s darkness, and silence and interludes in which I will need to hold my breath.
Forever with you should not feel like forever, it should feel like no time at all; it should feel like a blink of an eye– it should feel like an interlude between the lightning strike and a thunder.
And just like I always did, for now, I come up – and will always come up – with a simple answer that I have known since long time ago.
I wrote these things above and below before, and I’m going to write it again:
Yes. Yes, yes, and yes. A billion times yes.
Call me stupid, call me crazy, insane, madness, in whatever fashion that you want.
But I know that you will make it all worth it– you always will.