17-10-2016.

02:07

I hate this feeling.

So, tell me, what would you lot feel about this:
What if someone is rubbing something– something related to your feelings straight and directly into your face without maybe understand what you are feeling?
It was simple, really, what she did was a stupid thing.
I said it was stupid because I’m not supposed to be pissed off about it.
But I can’t helped it, I was partly pissed.

I was about to go to work.
We were texting each other, and it was early in the morning.
I was about to take a shower when suddenly she sent me a photo.
And it was… My e-ticket; my boarding pass.

1.5 years ago, I was about to meet her and all.
She was the one that actually bought the ticket for me to go her place.
And I didn’t actually know that she still actually keep the e-ticket, but she did– she did and she did send it to me when we were texting about things.
Yes, it brought me to a flashback, and no, I won’t describe it.

It took me almost 10 minutes to actually remember every single thing that happened between me and her that week when I was actually with her the whole time.

I remember every details, like, every single thing, it’s almost creepy.
From the clothes that she was wearing on the day we met at the airport, until those faces she made when we were having our late lunch hours before I went back home.
If the last time I said that the feeling actually made me miss her, it’s the same.
Only, this time, it’s just WAY much more than that.

Honestly, it feels like she’s rubbing it on my face.

It’s almost as if like she doesn’t even care about it– as if she’s just being so fine about it, up to the point she doesn’t care about it any longer that she’s making fun of what happened between me and her– those memories.
I’m not being overly sensitive, but, that did kind of make me sad.
Ugh, I don’t even want to talk about it, really.
It was as if she lit a fire inside of me all over again when she did that.
What’s more, she went away for vacation (?) and wasn’t able to text me at all.
I mean, there’s nothing wrong with it, but that was like adding fuel to a fire.

Okay, I believe she understands how I feel about her– I believe she does.
And I know she’s not stupid, at least hopefully not.

But, I kind of wish that she would at least respond to what I’m feeling– to what she’s awaken more and more ever since she pried into my heart.

……

Dear Love,

That was honestly kind of cruel.
No, not literally and not exactly or even definitely cruel.
But you did lit a fire inside of me, and it burns bright right now.

I’ve been writing, and I’ve been writing a lot ever since you did that a week ago.
And all I could write is just how much I miss the hell out of you and all.

Honestly, that’s why I rarely post anything these days.
It seems as if all my writings are so cliche, I don’t even dare to post them all.
Call it whatever you want, writer’s block or anything, but that’s the truth.
Yet, right now, I can’t help myself to write something about it.
I might not post it, I might not talk about it, but my book’s filled with it.

And I guess, right now, I’ll back to write things in my book and all.

Because the best heart to write with, is the one that’s burning with love’s desire.
This heart– my heart; burning; with love; for you.

Love,
Yours.

V.A.C.W.

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