Trust issues sucks.
They are the absolute worst, because you can never be truly happy. Maybe you can be happy for a few minutes, and then all the anxiety takes over you, and you start to get worried and think about all the bad things that could possibly happen. What’s worse, you can’t open up to people without worrying about the laughing at you behind your back or worrying about whether they like you as much as you actually like them.
You’re constantly worried and thinking of the worst case scenarios, and it sucks, because it’s not your fault, and it’s not even your fault.
It’s the fault of the person who fucked you up.
Not only did you shut out the pain, you shut out everything– the good, the bad, just everything– until there was nothing inside your heart.
I am sorry– completely and terribly, that you ache and that you bleed, and that you crumble so much, that it felt as if you were going to disintegrate into a million, hopeless pieces. For all the tide that blossomed in your eyes when you want nothing more than a calm, blue sea. For all the times I can’t do anything for you– for I know that you are all, and you, are everything.
I just want to say that not everything is made up of war or bloodshed, sometimes all you need is just a quiet fight, a dim softness within you, that flickers even on your darkest days, and reminds you that there are people around you that love you for you are– that will tell you that you are strong and growing– that you are filled with hope.
That you, are filled with love.
Because, we, both of us with love, could have stood up to the storm, standing strong, like those hardened corals by the sea, with me loving you so safely, so securely, that you will never have to worry about feeling like inside a cage with the roof caving in, or surrounded with prison bars.
Yes, it’s an offering, a surrender to you– all of you.
Do have my heart, and all my color.