04-08-2016.

23:58

I’m trying to not let things get inside my head.
And by things, I mean a lot of things.

These last 6 months have been quite a journey in my life.
Began with my me being accepted in my job, and then, I – everything inside of me – magically grow, and grow, exponentially, without any signs of stopping.
I started to find myself, on what I actually am.
I took every single challenge that I got.
I swallowed every context that I could get, inside and outside my job.
I’ve been reading my books, I’ve been writing things.
There are some problems here and there, but nothing I can’t handle.
And, I could say that I’ve changed.

I’ve pointed out the things that changed in me before.
From time discipline, to the big ugly monster called envy.
I’ve gotten rid of almost all my laziness in time management, and giving myself the whole new range of discipline in making appointments with people and myself.
I’ve gotten rid of the source of my envious feelings, and mustered all the focus that I have to myself, her, my career, and the things that I love to do.
Plus, yesterday was the day that I got my first performance review in my job.
The feedback was awesome, the boards were very, very pleased with me.
And they said that I was the best new employee among all others for last 6 months.
After what happened to me, all of those above, suddenly I remember a saying, a very old one that has been around for, well, maybe hundreds of years:

“Show me your friends and I’ll tell you who you are.”

My job actually reminds me that, one of the most important decisions we could make in our life is, to choose the people that is going to be around us in our life.
Because, quite often, we will be affected by the people we’re around with.
Based on that, I could conclude that we need to be cautious about whom we surround ourselves with, well, obviously because of the short and long term implications.
I have another saying that I remember that connected to this one, it says:

“You can’t think any higher than the level you are exposed to.”

Or another words from Benjamin Franklin:

“He that lieth down with dogs shall rise up with fleas.”

Basically, those two things are speaking the same thing.
I always look at the people with one of the most (at least for me) important quality inside of them: Kindness.
Not everyone has that quality.
Okay, you could argue that most people treat their bosses well, or maybe nice to people that they think can help, or maybe they treat their peers well, or maybe they treat people that have similarities to them well.
Same education, same lifestyle, same neighbourhood, etc.
But, here’s the thing: what about the strangers?
Not everyone treats them well.

Let me tell you something that I got after living all this time:
You, will find all you need to know about someone by how they treat people they do not consider important.
Let’s say, if we are having dinner together, and you treat the waiter poorly, well, that says almost everything that I could say about you.
And if you talk about people behind their backs and show another face– another smiling face that is different than the one you showed me when you were talking about them,
Let me tell you that I do not want to know about you at all.
Because, it is not worth surrounding myself with negativity and vileness.
I don’t want to be associated with it, or condone it passively.

The bottom line is, the people you surround yourself with matter to you.
They will generate their opinions and point of views that your mind will continuously subject to, consciously or subconsciously.
The people you get to be around with could change – or even ultimately create – who you are, and vice versa.
It might be nice to say that someone is holding themselves and won’t be swallowed by the negativity given by the people around them.
But let me tell you, those nasty things will get inside your head.
Believe me, I’ve had my time on those things.

Now, I could say that I’ve changed and all.
I could say that I’ve surround myself with the right people.
People that could help me grow exponentially without stopping.
Now, there’s a trade-off with all of those that is happening with me.
Last week, suddenly everyone said the same thing to me.
I could say that it was a coincidence, but I don’t really believe in one.
I could say that Universe is making up something yet again.
I don’t know, maybe it’s just me, but it feels like recently I’ve gotten used to taking hints from what Universe gave me in my life.

Last week, I met my sister.
The first thing that she said to me was that I’ve changed a lot.
She said that I sounded more mature and all.
We were talking about many things, especially things about my job.
Suddenly, my sister and her husband agreed about a certain thing.
They agreed that I sounded so different to the point where it’s scary.
No, not physically scary, definitely not.
But of the potential on what I could be if I let things go over my head.
She said that I should be careful now that she saw what I could be.
That I (again) should not let things go over my head.
That I should stay as humble as possible.
I said yeah, sure, and thought nothing about it.
Just because I’ve been like this for a year.
And I – at least its what I thought – am always being humble to people around me.
But yeah, I said yes and thank you to what she said to me.

Days after that, I talked to two friends of mine that I’ve known for quite some time– if you read my previous posts since long, long time ago then you know who they actually are eventhough not physically and not up close and personal.
After they knew about my great track record in my company, they said something similar to what my sister and her husband said to me.
That I should be careful not to turn high and mighty.
They too, saw what I am capable of going to be.
And, well, I began to think seriously on what they and my sister said.
Maybe they are right.
After all, there’s nothing wrong with being cautious, right?

The kick was what she said to me last Sunday.
We were talking quite a bit after she told me her story.
I was talking about a certain random guy that was at my company weeks ago, I was telling her about how angry I got to my former co-worker.
I told her that, it was because of that person’s incompetency in delivering his works that triggered me and got me very, very angry.
What she said next was the kick, and it was just one word:

“Arrogant.”

Maybe she said that out of the blue and was just joking, but,
But for me, when there are numerous people saying one similar thing over and over again, then there must be something wrong with myself.
Now I understand that I should not let pride get the best of me.
Pride is fine, and pride is actually good.
But, pride is only fine up until a certain point.
Because as soon as you believe that you are in some special way better than everyone else, you start to become an arsehole without you even knowing it.
Like I said as my first sentence, I am trying.
I’m trying to not let things get inside my head.
And these things that connected with pride and arrogance, are those things.

So how do I stay to be as I am right now?
I tried to be careful in handling things, and especially, not to let things get inside my head and take me– I won’t let myself think that I’m superior.
Most of all, I will continue to love her, and love her hard.
Because, I believe that with love, I will continue to stay kind.
That loving her will remind me to always treat people around me with kindness, just as how I treat her with all the love that I have inside of me.
Moreover, the love that I have for her taught me to be selfless.
To actually be more care and giving to people.
Now, who said that love is a bad and stupid things?

Yes, it might give you a little bit of madness and insanity.
But the madness that caused by love is – arguably – a good madness.
It taught me on how to love someone completely.
And, loving her actually taught me that I should be grateful to myself that I still could love her this hard and all.

If anything, I could say that, love is keeping me like this.
Love is what keeps me from the negativity around me.
No, I do not taught myself to love her- it comes so naturally.

And she– Love– has taught me well to love myself.

……

Dear Love,

There is never a day I love you less,
And there are days where I think I cannot possibly love you more,
But, I am proven wrong time and time again.
After what happened to me and people around me, I’m glad that I love you.
I’m happy that the love that I have for you actually taught me something.
And that thing, actually made me love you more, and more.
Oh no, there will be no days where I am afraid to love you.

Because now, I am glad that I never learned to love at a safe distance.
My soul was meant to be wholly consumed by love.
Honestly, right now, it feels so stupid.
It feels like I’m telling you a secret, a secret so beautiful, that even words are not enough to pour the feelings that I have for you.
Yet, Love, know that I am one of those people who believe that words are some of the last forms of magic that still exist in this world.
So let me say this to you, even though I’ve said it a lot of times.
Because this thing could only be said while it’s instilled with magic:

I love you; every day, every way.
And with every piece of my soul.

And, speaking about magic, perhaps the Universe itself is magic.
It kept giving me things that’s good for me.
Two weeks ago, about you, and last week, about me.
Now, it’s about what you – Love – taught me.
I’ve believed this since long long time ago,
Maybe even long before you said to me back then.
I suppose, I should share the second secret that you might have known.
Again, while my words are still instilled with magic:

That, Love, we may get lost sometimes.
But I know we will always find one another.
 

Love,
Yours.

V.A.C.W.

 


 

jghjvfkjhkl

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s