I’m looking at the sunrise.
I don’t really like the sunrise. In fact, I would prefer looking at the sunset – looking at how the sun hides her own face, down to the edge of the world, as I watch the moon rise slowly, up to the dark night, and resides herself among the stars. For me, it’s a much better choice to look at the stars and their beauties – to look at the bright moon with her mysteries. You know I could sit for hours looking at the dark night sky, stargazing, looking at the moon, and, well, just like always: thinking about you.
I always hate mornings. I know it’s time when people get up and start their day. It’s the time for me to go to work at weekdays. It’s time for the blue skies and the clouds to decorate the sky, along with the sun herself. It’s time for the birds to sing and fly around doing whatever it is that they want to do on the particular day. Yet, it is also the time where you start to unconsciously invade my heart and mind, where you fill me with a day’s worth of longing, a day’s worth of your image inside my brain, all sprinkled by the love that I have for you, that stems deep inside my soul.
Should you find those reasons that I’ve said about why I hate mornings, about why I don’t really like the sunrise (because it’s the start of your presence every single day) stupid, then I’m afraid I’ve been stupid ever since that fateful day happened. Love, it is not the feeling nor the thoughts about you that makes me hate all of those. It’s the very absence of you. I said that loneliness has already resides itself inside of me. And there he is, waking up at the same hour as humans every single morning, only for him to crawl himself up to my ear, and slowly whispers your name. Let me tell you, Love, loneliness is very good at defining your absence. Oh he is very, very good, believe me.
Maybe it is unfair for me to hate the morning and the sunrise just because of loneliness. Perhaps you could say that it just doesn’t makes sense, because the morning and the sunrise themselves are two different things. And with loneliness, they are actually three different goddamn things. Fine. I could safely and surely say that sunrise are beautiful. Even though sunset is still more beautiful than sunrise. And even though there is nothing in the world that could match your impeccable beauty. And also, the sunrise keep reminds me that no matter how dark the night was, the morning will still come.
That the sun rises once again, and all the shadows are chased away.
At the horizon, in the purplish blue sky hinted with dashes of orange, I’m seeing the sunrise. She’s rising herself up slowly among the clouds, with the morning sky turns bright blue around her. With her light slowly creeps through the windows beside me, as if she’s trying to approach me, to reach me with her light – as if she’s trying to tell me that I will always find her up in the blue sky before she finally retreats to the dusk later today.
The morning. The sunrise. The start of the day. The sun. The blue skies. The clouds. Yes, I could find the reasons not to hate them now, just not the loneliness. I could understand why I should love them: it’s because at the start of each day, with the sunrise herself constantly reminds me of you and the love that I have for you, the love that I have for you grows. It roots grow even deeper inside my soul, while at the same time giving me the same longing like I always have since months, and months ago.
I could go on rambling about how much I love you and how much love I have for you deep inside my heart, but I believe you already knew that. I know I still got all morning to write, but this time, I’m going to whisper to the rising sun all about you. I’m going to whisper her the message that I have for you, the words of love and longing that usually dies at the tip of my tongue because it’s always left unsaid, gone inside my mouth.
The sunrise, I could go on and looking at it as if it is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen, with all its light and its color. For I also know that we, are looking at the same sun every single day. And maybe, maybe one day the sun will tell you the things that I’ve whispered to her. Maybe she’ll tell you. Maybe she will. Maybe.
Yes, Love, again, I am looking at the sunrise right now, struck by its beauty, as if it is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. But do you know that I always looking at you with the same way if not more intense, as I look at the sunrise or even the sunset?
Remember that whenever I tell you that you are beautiful, it means that all of you – who and what you are, is beautiful. And I love you just because of what you are, not what I want you to be.
You, are beautiful and dearly loved just as you are.