21-06-2016.

03:01

Dear Love,

I blame the Uber driver for what I am feeling right now.
Not you, not me, not anyone else;
Just the goddamn Uber driver.
Or maybe not, maybe I should blame the radio station.
Or the certain person whom requested that song.

……

I was on my way back to the office using Uber about three hours ago.
I was and still am having a cold, you could say it’s quite severe and all.
And well, I was trying to get at least some nap.
The streets were packed as always.
The only good thing was the sky is clear, and I’ve done my job for the week.
Love, I thought I could get full rest for today.
Seems like I was horribly wrong.

The driver turned the radio to a certain channel.
And, the radio channel was just about to play a song.
A song that you, and I know very, very well.
It successfully broke the cage I’ve made for my own heart, along with all the feelings that resurfaced from beneath the pile of filthy, sticky things called work.
The memories come back like a sudden rainstorm in the middle of a desert.
The song made me remember about how we used to measure distance between us.
About how we were dying to meet each other, to feel each other’s love on our skin, emerged in our hugs, kisses, or even just by looking at each other’s eyes face to face.
And it made me remember the time I woke up an hour before dawn, looking outside the window of your place, and looking at your sleeping face.

And I still haven’t forget the way you peacefully snore.
Oh don’t worry, it’s lovely.
I would kill to be able to listen to it beside my bed every single night.

Love, Vanessa Cartlon’s song A Thousand Miles made me remember all of those.

It made me space out, looking outside the car, and think of stupid questions.
And from all of those stupid questions, the most stupid one was:

“Would you feel the same thing as I am feeling right now? Or would you at least remember about me and all the things that we’ve had together? All the ‘amazing memories’ we had even though it was just for a few days?”

I don’t know what’s the answer, and I know that I won’t be able to know the answer.
Oh, at least not anytime soon.
And yes, I do need you, miss you, and whatever it is that is written in the song.
And I would – literally, metaphorically, figuratively, whatever – walk a thousand miles if I could just see you tonight.
The only thing that made me thinking was the chorus.

Do you think time, would pass us by?

To pass by something means that to walk past something without paying any attention to it, and in this case, time, would walk past us without paying us attention.
Now I don’t know what it really means or if maybe Vanessa Cartlon was just drunk and didn’t know what she wrote, but it still means something to me.
Because love, I don’t want to time pass by between us that the time makes us – or maybe we make ourselves – miss every single beautiful thing about us in life.
Now, do you think time would pass us by?
Do you wonder the same thing as I do?

Do you wonder if the time would walk past us and ignore us?
Do you think we would miss our opportunity to do things together?
Or do you think the Universe itself have her own timing for us?

Now don’t ask me my answer, because you yourself already know the answer.
I said it, and I wrote it thousands of times.
And I hope what I wished – and it is one thing that I always wish – come true.

Love, maybe you would say that it was all your fault.
Maybe you would say that it was you that actually gave me memories on that song.
Or, even you, gave yourself memories about that song about us.
But, Love, let me tell you that you actually made the song a thousand times more beautiful that it actually is, that you made the song matters to both of us.
If it’s not because of you, the song would be just another song that I first heard when I was in junior high school, and I got to admit, the song was pretty good.
Now, it’s different.
It’s not good, bad, best, or whatever it is the label that you want to give it.
Like I said, it’s different.
It’s something else.
I can’t actually explains it, but at least I could translate and tell you on what would happen inside of me whenever I hear that song:

My heart would resurface again, and again, and again beating itself out with my love for you, even if it’s buried a thousand meters deep beneath anything.

And so, about what I said about blaming the Uver driver.
I do still blame him – the driver.
Or the radio station.
Or the radio host.
Or the certain person who requested the song.
Whatever, I don’t really care about whom being the root cause of the song being played on the certain radio three hours ago.
All I want to say is, perhaps it was a good blame.
Thank them? No; I’m not going to thank them, I’m going to blame them for what happened to my heart that resurfaced from all the stupid things inside of me.

Without them, I will still be beneath all the things that I created for my own heart, just to numb myself and stopped it from screaming my love for you.
Yes, I blame them for that.

But I’m going to thank them for reminding me all of the things about us.
I’m going to thank them for randomly strengthen the love that I have for you.
‘Randomly’? Yes. Because it was totally random.
I mean, what are the chances of me hearing that song at that hour?
And, like I said before, there’s no such thing as a coincidence.

Only plans that the Universe have for us.

Now you see what I said about the Universe and us?

Perhaps the whole Universe have a plan for us.
Maybe they have something up their sleeves for us.
Maybe because they understand that I understand about Universe more than most people do, because they know what my Universe is like, and it’s not all about them.
My Universe is not about space, stars, galaxy, planets, or whatever.

It’s all about you.

You, Love, are my universe.
My all, my everything.
 

Love,
Yours.

V.A.C.W.

 


 

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