31-05-2016.

 

In this moment,

In the moment you decide to exist,

You, Love, are so much more
Than a wild flower that needs love to bloom.

So much, and so much more
Than just a speck of light at the other end of the galaxy.

But still, you stare at the sky each night,
And pray for the stars to be your guide.

In this moment,

Look within you.
Look deep into your heart and soul.

You, Love, are my world.

You are a world within.

 

30-05-2016.

They may insult you,
Hurt you,
Defeat you,
Betray you,
Injure you,
Set you aflame and watch you burn.

But they will not,
Shall not,
And can NOT destroy you.

Rise up, and walk.

Because you, are like Rome, Were built on ashes.
And you, just like a phoenix,
Know how to rise, and resurrect.

Rise.

29-05-2016.

 

Even in the most reverent sky,
Grows wrathful clouds
That cause our hearts to numb,
And our souls to cripple.

Fear not, Love.

For behind those engraved shadows,
Is a star that gives light.

A light that radiates color,
A color that paints beauty,
And a beauty that voices hope.

 

Sonnet 13.

 
I’m daydreaming of how you now may look,
For everything’s getting closer to view:
Our union, destined, and not down to luck,
With my love’s compass straightly points to you.
Carve me a hole, and nestle me your words,
Go back to this place, where your heart belongs,
And search for me, don’t get crushed by the herd,
Hear the whisper in my love-fuelled songs.
And so, tonight, as you gaze at the moon,
With crystal clear constellations above,
Do synchronize your piece back to my tune,
For I’m dying without your hymns of love.
            Oh I know when you breathe into my soul,
            Our jigsaw will be permanently whole.

 

V.A.C.W.
02:58

 

Each day is getting more and more painful,
And I find it harder and harder to breathe.
I just need you here right now; here forever, and do not ever leave.
And later, As the dawn rises reluctantly, bleeding light into the day,
I’ll close my eyes, and pray to God for you to come to me,
And finally put your head upon my chest.

Oh how I really wish that today will be the day.

28-05-2016.

07:13

Can I just (safely?) say that I love her so goddamn much?

I mean, I don’t know, ever since we stopped talking, my feelings have been flowing out like crazy, flowing out to words.
Or maybe, just like what John Lennon wrote in Across The Universe:
“Words are flowing out like endless rain into a paper cup.”

The thing is, I filled three notebook with my writings.
And my writings are going to the point where they become so many that I can’t really write them all down here.
I mean, I could. And I’m trying it almost every single day.
But there are also a day where I can’t really post anything because of my job.
In my defense, I still write something, at least a page, everyday.
And now I’m even on my way to filling my fourth notebook.

People say there’s no such thing as busy, there’s only a thing called priority.
That’s true, that’s perfectly true.
I mean, if I want to, I could just write how am I doing, and how am I feeling in some sort of diary-like post every single day.
But with my limited time, I was actually trying to find a way on how to communicate my feelings directly and compactly without missing any of them.
And so, as you lot might seen since weeks ago, I’ve been posting short posts.
Call them whatever you may like: prose, poems, rambles, scratches, whatever.
It doesn’t matter.

What matters is that those posts contains my truest and utmost feelings.
Especially the ones that filled with my feelings for her.

Oh I have to admit, I just can’t lie when I’m writing out my feelings using words.

Someone – my co-worker – actually argued something that I could fully relate today.
She said that someone in her life (I don’t even know who) said that if someone stares at you openly, it means that they think that you are attractive.
And I thought, well, that’s obvious as hell.
But then she continued:
She said that if someone stares at you when you are not looking, it means they are in love with you.

I kind of startled.
I mean, is that true that the ones who shows their interest in us and compliment us could be the wrong person? The ones that only love us because of our appearance?
I don’t know, I believe I used to be like that once.
We all do, we all always show our interest to the person that we attracted to.
But, let me say, when all of those does not matter, when the infatuation died, when looks are just something unimportant because you understand very, very well on what the person have inside of them,

That is when the true love stays.

Maybe that’s why I’m learning to love her in secret.
To love her silently between the sun, the moon, and the stars.

So what’s the point of those talks by my co-worker?
Because I was actually wondering if everything that I am doing – that is writing things, posting things, everything – is the sign that I am loving her in secret.
I mean, I do not directly show her the things that I wrote.
I did tell her about this blog, yes, that is true.
But I do NOT show her every single post that I made, no.
I do NOT shove my posts to her and tell her about how much I love her everyday.

I don’t think that’s the point of loving someone right now.

She knows perfectly well that I am head over heels to her.
And maybe – just maybe – she knows that I do love her not because of what she has outside; that I love her for she has inside her – her inner beauty.
I love her and her naked soul.
And, I guess, those are things that really matter the most to me right now.
Because what really matters is the feeling.
The feeling that I have – the love that I have – for her.
Sure, I might have my own difficulties when I miss her, when my feelings are brimming to the point where I can’t hold it back.
But I have my writings.

I still have my words.

And if my words are where my feelings for her will be etched forever, then just let me write to my heart’s content – let me write and pout out the love that I have for her.
This seemingly endless stream of love inside my heart and soul.

Heck, I don’t even know what I want these words of mine to do,

Other than to tell her that I love her so goddamn much.

……

Dear Love,

If my love for you runs wildly within my veins,
The who the hell are going to stop me?
Who shall silence me?
Who will be dumb enough to tell me to forget all my words for you ?

And even if there’s anyone that want to crush my words,
Then I could say that they have their only interest in themselves.
They only have themselves in their heart.
That is, if they have any heart at all.

No matter what happens, I shall resist, and rise.

I might fall.
I might down on my hands and knees.
I might be downtrodden.
I might be nearly – or even already – broken.

But let me tell you that I am still human.
That I am still breathing, and alive!
And as long as there is life, there is me.
There is my heart inside this living body of mine.

And you know very well that there is still a love for you burning inside me.

Love, maybe love is not all rainbows and roses.
Maybe there’s the pain of missing you.
There’s the fear of losing you.
The horror of uncertainty.
And sometimes, even the soul-wrenching turmoil.

But I wont let them beat me.

I won’t let them make your roses wither,
Or make your rainbow fade.
I would still love you with all your thorns,
And with all your storm clouds.
Oh I will throw my voice into the stars and let the echo of my words be written for you in the dark night sky, and within the rays of the sunlight in the morning.

Love, I will love you through the darkness.

Because the darkness is not even darkness.
It really is not darkness at all – it is the absence of light.
And my darkness right now, is the absence of you.

Let me pull you down back to home.
Let me wrap you up in my arms.
Let me wash away all that was hurting.
Let me remind you that I am still here.
Let me sooth you like the rain.

Listen to me tapping against your window.
Listen to me telling you how you are my favourite flower.

Trust me.
Let me move the Earth and its elements for you.
Let me move to the top of tall snow-laden mountains.

Let me tear down your walls, and let me unearth your mystery.

Let me steal your breath away with a kiss.
A kiss that threaten to love you.
your heart; your mind; your body; your soul.

Let me tell you that I saw the universe in you.
The universe that was knitted into your bones,
And the embers of galaxies that glowing to life in your eyes.

Because I have felt a word.
I have tasted the color purple.
I have heard the sound of light.
I have seen the music in your eyes.

And right now, I fully understand what true love feels like.
Oh it made me want to grasp your hand, and place it over my heart,
While whispering these words right into your right ear:

“This, Love, will beat for you until the very end.”

 
Love,
Yours.

V.A.C.W.


imageedit_2_2502960320

26-05-2016.

 

Her love hit me like a train:
Sudden, and immense like a heart attack.

She injected my veins with happiness,
With joy that flows like claret across my features.

She filled me with contentment:
Fell on me like the night,
Slow, and purposeful, like the change of seasons.

She made me dream of places that exist only in thoughts.

Perhaps it was the way how she saw me
When I didn’t want to be seen,
Or how she dared to look at me and my scars,
When I hid them from the whole world.

I grew fondly of her entity –
Madly drawn to how she simply understand
The essence of my heart.

I swear, I can never forget a lady like her;

Ever so vibrant, filled with love.
One with one hell of a beautiful soul.

 

V.A.C.W.
23:21

24-05-2016.

 

The details of anything you love
Are always what is most thrilling,
Most poignant,
And most beautiful.

I love her as she rose from bed,
And then fell back against it again,
And all she did in-between.

When you love someone, you accept them,
You become them in a way,
And all they do forms into you.

Their mannerisms turn into truth-
In the way she holds her mug,
The way she laughs,
The way she smells,
The way her lips curl after certain words.

All of the simple things suddenly become gigantic things,
And light up the world before you like fire across the clouds.

What a breathtaking display:
The way the Earth begins to dissolve in your periphery,
And a human being replaces it.

No matter what they tell me,
And no matter what they tell her,

She is my universe.
And she is truly, madly, and deeply loved.

Oh, anything less than that is not love at all.

23-05-2016.

22:29

 

Have you noticed how people only love the ocean when the sun is out?

Once the darkness settles and the breeze kicks in,
No one wants to swim among its waves.

And I hope, I have never made you like that.
As if you are only admirable in light,
As if your darkness wasn’t worth exploring.

Because it is when the sun sets that I sit on the shore,
And stare at the ocean in awe.
It is when you, are engulfed in darkness,
That I will still stay, and hold your hands no matter what happens.

Because those days when you don’t feel so good,
Those days when you’re down and your smile is far,
Remember that it is those days
That I love you most of all.

And I will love you, forever, like the night holds the moon:

I’ll be the sky,
And you’ll be the stars.

22-06-2016.

03:48

 

Your mind is too beautiful
To be filled with thoughts of doubt and fear.

You have gone through too much
To think that things won’t turn around again.
You have experienced so many ups and downs,
That it would be foolish to believe
That heartache is all there is.

Love, you are too strong to hang your head;
Too wonderful of a person to let negativity consume you;
Too admirable to let it drag you down.

I wish I could tell you that the world will always be pure and true.
That things will always make sense every single time.
That love – our love – will win.

But things do NOT always happen that way.

Yet, even though that time has came,
I still fight, and fight, and fight.
And maybe we are fighting individually right now,
But I know that you, are still fighting.

You are still fighting through the pain,
Fighting through the sorrow.
Let those negative thoughts spill out of your mind,
And as far away from you as they can,
Because your mind is too divine to be filled with those kind of hurts.
Your heart is too soft to ever harden.

Love, I can’t promise you that things will always stay better.
But I can promise you that they will get better.

And believe me, that is more than enough to have faith in.

19-05-2016.

 

It’s no secret that I love you.

Even when I try, there’s no way to hide it.

How could I possibly conceal the devotion of my heart
When it beats like a thunderous drum,
Keeping the rhythm of the universe?

Yeah, that’s just how much I love you.