11-03-2016.

21:40

I had an interesting conversation with some people.

I was just telling them what was on my mind.
It was something related to what happened to me and her.
About our misunderstanding.
It was simply a constant ramble.
And once again, I said to two people that I’ve known for years.
And one of them was.. The one that was mad at me.
Black is me, read is the-one-who-was-mad, blue is another certain person.

“Is it because I lack patience for something like that?”
“I mean, it’s like, if there is something that could be done at that very time, then why the fuck not? Why do you have to wait until next week or so?”

“Why the fuck now?”
“Chill. Life is here to be enjoyed. Or so they say. And I might say sometimes.”

“Are you barking mad?”
“I don’t understand how should I enjoy something when there’s something that needs to be done. Oh wait, is that why I keep taking overtime hours?”

“Are you talking about social problems? Or work problems?”

“Actually social, but I was thinking about the possibilities they have for work.”
“I have a story.”
“I was talking to my father about a certain ticket promotion, he said to me that he was about to buy me one, but he didn’t say when he would buy it. I kept asking him about the ticket, like, more than 10 times a day. My sister was even asking me if I’ve gone mad because I did that to my father.”

“I’m just like your father.”
“It’s like, we still have some days ahead, we can do this later.”

“I always, and always think that doing things ASAP is always the better.”
“I mean, if you could do it today, then do it. Why wait?”
“When it’s all clear and done, isn’t it better? Why do you have to goddamn wait?”

“For me, it depends on the things that I’m going to do.”
“If it’s something I’ve never done before, I’d prefer doing it now.”
“If it’s something that I’ve done before, I’d prefer doing it now, BUT it could be delayed. But the former just can’t be delayed.”

“When it comes to think and imagine something, I prefer now.”
“When it comes to actually do something, I prefer later.”
“I’m a simple man.”

“Stupid man.”
“Perhaps, people always think that I always force them to do something.”
‘Okay, I know it’s bad.”
“But I just want something to be solved and be done right now if I could.”

“Yeah, I know, it’s a good trait that you have.
“But the part about forcing people to do things, it’s just not good.”
“Everyone’s flow is different.”

“I know that there are some people that need time to process and do something. But sometimes I lack patience to deal with those kind of people.”
“I think I need to become more tolerant towards those kind of people.”

“You can’t keep poke at those kind of people.”
“There are people that will keep doing and solve things at later time just to spite you, just because you keep poking at them.”
“And there are also some people that are forgetful.”
“Just, we can’t really define each and every single one of them.”
“So, in my opinion, if you want to remind them about things, do it in moderation. Or rather, do it as little as possible.”

“It depends, like I said.”
“If you are a team project and a leader, then you have to really say and strict about the term of ‘Do it now.'”

“Isn’t it about social life?”

“I know, it was kind of contradicting because it’s about work.”

“The point is.”
“I think I need to understand some people better.”
“Be more patient, perhaps.”
“I will try to do it.”

“No, don’t try.”
“DO or DO NOT. There is no fucking try.”

“Now that was an eye-opener statement. Thanks.”

I messaged her today.
I asked her to talk to me about our misunderstanding.
About the fact that I forced to answer something that she didn’t have the answer to just because of another fact that I do NOT know that she didn’t have the answer; she didn’t tell me.
Well, obviously, she read my messages but didn’t reply, not even a word.

And I thought to myself, perhaps she still needs some time.

I know why I am being like this.
It’s my personality.

I always take the time to understand those that I care about, while at the same time helping them to learn, grow, and change.
it’s well-meaning, I know that.
But I am also fully aware that not everyone appreciates what could come across as constantly being told that they need to improve.
Or, to put it in another way, that they are not good enough.
And, honestly?

I would be aghast to find that my intents were interpreted that way.

But I know it’s a real risk.
And if those people that I care about is as averse to conflict to me, it could boil under the surface for some time before surfacing.
And i think it would be too late to be fixed after that.
Perhaps that is why I want her to realize that what she have is a bad habit.
I want to make myself better while at the same time making herself better.
I don’t want her to keep holding back and keep people assuming things because she just doesn’t want to explain or say anything to them.

But just like what those people said, perhaps I need to have patience.

You see, all that happened to me have really tested the limit of my patience.
The unfairness, her attitude towards me, all of them.
All of those just.. I don’t know, feel so wrong and unfair for me.
I mean no harm, I mean no disrespect or anything.

I just.. Want her to understand me.
And I want to understand her.

Is that so hard?

……

Dear Love,

Please take a time from your daily routine to think about us.
I know perhaps you just want to play games all day long everyday.
Perhaps you don’t want to feel or don’t want to think heavy things between us.

But you have to know, this is not something that you have to respond by treating people in such a way that you ignore them for quite some times.

I don’t know what did you think by ignoring me because of a slight misunderstanding, because we didn’t clearly understand each other.
I know that it was a clear fact that I forced you do answer something that you yourself didn’t even know the answer to.
But Love, let me once again make myself clear:

I didn’t know that you didn’t have the answer for my question.

All I know, you were too lazy to type something.
That you did have the answer, and it was a long one because it seemed like you were too lazy to type the long words.

So, Love, do think about it.
What you are doing right now is unnecessary.
I believe you understand it yourself.
We’ve become quite estranged.
Connected – but still a little estranged because of what happened.

I don’t know if you think that this is a chance for you to distance yourself away from me solely because you don’t want anything related to love.
Or maybe you think this is a chance so I won’t meet bunch of your gaming friends.
Whatever the reason it is for your to ignore me,

Let me tell you that all of those are – once again – not necessary.

I don’t know why you keep thinking that by ignoring someone that have a certain problem with you, the problem would be solved once and for all.
All I know it’s not a ticket to solve a certain problem.
I don’t know what your argument is, but I believe you got it all wrong.
I believe that it is not the way for someone to ignore a thing.
About ignoring, oh believe me, I do know which and what things that need to be ignored once and for all – that need to be eradicated from your life.
I believe there are 7 things that you need to ignore from your life:

1. People with flagrant, obviously obvious blatant negativity.
2. People that love to discredit you and try to dump on everything that you do.
3. People that always try to take advantage of you. Especially your kindness.
4. People with perfectionist way of thinking.
5. People with ungrateful, materialistic thinking.
6. People with idea that everything in our life is so easy that we don’t even need to face or change anything in our life.
7. People with an inner resistance to change.

I will explain them point by point later.
For now, please understand that not facing something as simple as a misunderstanding is something that needs to be change simply because misunderstanding should be cleared, not avoided.

Love, you have to know, I might seem like trying to change you.
Perhaps I am, trying to change you.
But let’s not use the word ‘change’ here.
I am helping you to learn and grow.
I am helping you realize what your flaws are and accessing them.
Believe me, I am not asking you to change who you are, I am asking you to access what you have and making the best out of them.

And you have to know, that all I am doing, is for you.

And for you only.

 
Love,
Yours.

V.A.C.W.

 


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