17-02-2016.

23:58

I was listening to a song while working.

It was really necessary.
People are discussing over things around me at the office.
Both important and unimportant things.
So, well, I need something to shut my ear from the voice around me.
And then I was listening to this particular song.
It’s a famous song, titled “Wake Me Up” by Avicii.
I’m not going to put all the lyrics here.
The chorus, perhaps:

 

So wake me up when it’s all over.
When I’m wiser and I’m older.
All this time I was finding myself and I,
Didn’t know I was lost.

 

I smiled.
Well, the song was good, indeed.
But somehow it suits me and her.

Weeks ago we were saying something about.. Life.
She was arguing that life needs to be lived, not to be think about.
I said to her that I wasn’t really agree with what she said.
Because sometimes, when we live our life, it just moves so goddamn fast.
Like my life recently.
I’m just so busy everyday at the office I almost lost track of the day.

And why I said I wasn’t agree?
Well, I do believe we need to think about our life sometimes.
We need to think of what we want to do, especially our dreams.
And live our life just as we want it.
My point is, we need to strive to achieve something that we really way.
For example: her; I believe I said in my new year post that she IS one of my dreams.

And I already said that I do whatever it takes to achieve my dreams.
So.. Yeah.

It is true that we need to live our life, yes, yes, yes.
I wasn’t completely disagree on what she said.
True, sometimes we can’t control our life.
There are always things that we can’t control in our life.
But we shouldn’t stop thinking and dreaming about what could be in our life.
I still remember about what she said to me months ago:

“Do you really want to be with someone that can’t even think of future with you?”

Well, now, I understand her condition back then at that time.
And I know it’s going to be a bad example of not thinking about life.
Because she wasn’t really thinking straight after what happened to her.
But, you know, sometimes, even if people could think straight about their life,
Some of them just don’t want to think of their life and just go on without thinking.
They are alive, breathing, but not living.

Just like that song.

If we keep on going, without thinking about what we really want,
And just go ahead with the flow without strive on towards our dream,
We will never even knew if we are truly lost in our life.
All we know, suddenly, we are old.
Old, and, well, filled with some regrets on things that we didn’t do.
Funny enough I remember a line from the movie Inception:

 

Don’t you want to take a leap of faith?
Or become an old man, filled with regret, waiting to die alone!

 

She once mentioned things about my “Faith” towards her and our relationship.
I said to her that Faith is really necessary.
Well, it is what keeps us going on every single day.
Without Faith, we are nothing – we will just walk aimlessly here and there.

And I really want to say that to her.
I really want to ask her to take a leap of faith.
Regarding to things about me and her, about our relationship.
Because sometimes, we just keep on going without seeing on what we have.
Without appreciating on what we currently have at this time.
And, the most idiotic thing ever: without taking any chances the life gave to us.

The result? We miss things.

Perhaps that’s why I was so afraid that I will miss things.
I said to her that there are SO many things that I want to do in a single day.
And she said to me that I should TRY to do every single thing that I want to do in a day.
And of course, I did it.
I write things, I read things, and I learn new things beside working.

I already thanked her about it.

She was the only one that said to me about try to do things in a single day.
I guess in some ways, she’s really good at thinking critically.
But of course, it needs to be imbued with hope.

Critical thinking without hope is cynicism.
Hope without critical thinking is naivety.
Balancing hope and critical thinking is super important.

I still want to blabber about things, but I’m tired.
I need to take a quick shower and go to sleep, I guess.
And scratch things in my book while I’m in bed.

Yeah, I should.

……

Dear Love,

I’m still kind of afraid that I will miss things.
Particularly because I get too immersed in my job everyday.
But I always try to do things that I want to do in a single day.
Just like what you said.
I have to thank you again for that.

Thank you, Love.

Speaking of Faith, won’t you take a leap of faith?
I know that you don’t want me to say things about love.
And I currently am trying not to DIRECTLY say anything about love to you.
But, I really wish that somehow, Faith will find his way to you.

Along with me wishing that you will find your way back to me.

At least, try to believe in us.
Because, when you feel it, when you feel the air between us,
It does NOT smell like confusion,
Nor uncertainty.

If I could say, it smells like adventure.
It smells like an exciting journey, a thousand miles, filled with flowers on the road.
And the weather?
It looks like the calm, beautiful morning after a terrible storm.

Because we have gone through the worst part of our storms.

Can’t we just dance together beneath this beautiful drizzle of ours?

 
Love,
Yours.

 


game

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