09-02-2016. [2]

23:41

I’m tired.

So I thought I’d go to the roof and look up to the night sky.
And well, I tried to look at the dark night sky.
But as always, they are covered by air and light pollution.
As I was looking at the polluted sky, it brought me to a memory.
A memory of my old self months ago.

And I went back to my own self months ago.

When she told me what those people did to her.
When she sent me a picture, showing what those people did.
I remember that I was.. Angry.
I wanted to punch someone in the goddamn face.
I was like,

Who did that to her?
Who fucked her up so bad, emotionally and mentally that she has completely shut down anyone who tries to help her? That she doesn’t talk about her feelings?
She push people away, including me, her lover.
And what’s worse, she let other – unknown people in to her life.
She refused to open up, refused to trust.
And refused to let someone love or care about her.
Who fucking did that?

She doesn’t deserve any of that crap.

She deserves people that would give a shit.
She deserves people who don’t take pride in doing bad things, people who don’t take pride in being a complete asshole like what those people did.
She deserves people who does NOT invalidate her feelings by calling her annoying, or sensitive.

And I tried to gave her those things.
But she pushed me away out of her heart.

Because she deserves a person that is all about her.
She deserves a true kind of love.
A love that does NOT meant to play games with her.
A love that makes her feel completely secure.
A love that compromises.
A love that would always be there for her whenever she’s feeling down.

I really want her to know that she deserves all of those.
And I want to give her all of those with all of my heart.
I know I can’t give her the stars, nor the moon.

But I want her to know that she deserves galaxies.

And I know I could only give her what she deserves by showing her my love.
Because this is the only thing that I got that could defeat the vast galaxy.
A love that keeps growing and growing every day, every hour, every minute, even every second.
A never ending love, a love beyond her knowledge.

And as immeasurable as the universe itself.

…..

Dear Love,

Do you ever wonder why I always write about the stars?
I believe I wrote that I always have a special fascination towards them.
Although, again, like I said, you are way more beautiful than them.
They are nothing compared to the stars in your eyes.

And I hate your hometown.
Only because I can’t see the stars.
Well, both of us definitely can’t see them.

I still remember when I woke up beside you around 4 AM when you were asleep.
I tried to look for the stars, but I wasn’t able to find them.
So I went back to bed.
And I kissed your eyes goodnight and hugged you to sleep after.

But I can feel the stars.

For when the first time we met at the airport,
When we kissed the first time when we were sitting on your bed,
When we sit beside the river together, when we kissed beneath the dark night sky,
And even since the first time you told me you love me,

You set all the stars in my sky alight.

All at once.
 
Love,
Yours.

V.A.C.W.

 


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