04-02-2016.

23:45

Nope. I don’t think I’ll be able to finish my poem today.

I just got home from work.
At this hour? Yes.
There was a problem in my workplace.
Someone did something stupid.
Whole website was down for hours.
And the one who did the stupid thing didn’t want to confess on what they did.

And somehow I got something from that:

Sometimes people are blind to reality and only see what they want to see.

Yes, this has to do with bitterness and cynicism.
But those two are not the sole reason why.
Sometimes, people wear blinder over their eyes so they could prevent themselves from seeing something that they don’t like, or something that has hurt them.
Those things came from fear.

Actually, fear is a good thing.
As long as it does not control us.
We could let fear drive us.
It helps us accomplish many things.

Well, looking at her, she’s.. Actually controlled by her fear.

Fear of trusting people.
Fear of… Talking to me? Perhaps.
Yeah, she is just easily controlled by her own fear.
And whenever she fears something, she would immediately stay away from that thing.

I have that, too.

I have this fear of hurting someone’s feelings.
So usually I would prefer stay silent and try not to hurt anyone rather than speaking something.
Yeah, it’s bad. And Perhaps I would just rather be labeled as rude but telling the truth.
And I actually am training myself to be able to say NO to people.

This is time for me to stop being controlled by fear.
To say what I really want to say.

……

Dear Love,

I am tired.
But it was fun, really fun.
I actually am loving my job even more.
I hope it will stay like this, so I could do wel in my job.

Speaking of fear, are you actually afraid of talking to me?
Or, is there any other reason?
I am trying to figure out why you won’t talk to me.

Tell me, tell me what you worst fears are.

I bet they look a lot like mine.
Just tell me.
Tell me what you think about when you can’t fall asleep at night.
Tell me what you think about when you wake up in the morning.
Tell me everything.

I am not to be feared.

I am just a not-so ordinary person that wants to love you entirely.
With all that you have, not in parts.
Talk to me. Tell me everything.

You know that I do NOT love in fractions.

I’ll give you the love that I have just to wash away your fear.
 
Love,
Yours.

V.A.C.W.


 

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