29-01-2016.

23:45

I was talking to a friend of mine.

He told me a story about him and his girlfriend.
And he almost made me completely pissed because of what he said.
Not really pissed, well, I was just kind of hate his way of thinking.
He said:

“I don’t think I should continue this relationship.”
“How should I tell her?”
“She’s different. She was not the girl I used to love.”
“I’m getting bored of her. Really.”
“And I found this girl that I met couple weeks ago.”
“She’s smart, she’s gorgeous, and I think she’s better than Jacqueline.”
“Really, I think this time, the girl is the one!”

I was just laughing at him.
It reminds me of one of my ex.

My ex was, let’s say, ‘bored’ of me.
She was thinking that I am not like the one she used to love.
While in fact, I was still the same person as I was years ago.
I tried my best to get her attention, I did everything I can for a full year.
And for that one full year, she was just looking at me like I’m a random person whom she just met days ago. To put it simply, she took me for granted.
And then, well, one day my heart snapped and said to me that it was enough.
I had to walk away from her because she didn’t appreciate me.

And what happened was, she immediately looked for me.
She said sorry, this, that, and all.
But it was too late. I did enough.
I hang on and tried to get her attention for one goddamn year.
Well, she continues to look for me until this very day. Or so her friend said.

What am I trying to say is,

We are human, it is perfectly human to be bored of something.
Even in relationship; yeah, okay, it’s fine. It’s normal.
But doesn’t mean that we could leave someone that we love because of boredom.
Especially when the “because I found a better person” is added to the reason.

More often than not, new people will look way more interesting than people around us.
They will look way kinder and funnier.
And it seems like they have this kind of spark that makes us in a good mood.
But are they really better than the ones we have?
Are they better than our significant others?
There’s a saying:
 

“Grass is always greener on the other side.”

 
Meaning that people will never satisfied with their own situation.
They will always think others have it better.
While in reality, every single person on Earth do have their own bad qualities.
Some are mild, mediocre, bad, really bad, or even worst.
Worst kind of people are just like those people that betrayed her.
But people always have their own bad side at their own respective levels.

And no matter how attractive or interesting they look, they will always have their own bad side.
Just like drops of rain, no matter how big or small the drop is, it will makes us wet anyway.
Yes, some people’s qualities are better than the others; it’s an undeniable fact.
But doesn’t mean that we could leave our significant others because of their own imperfections.
If you don’t like their imperfections, then why the fuck did you went out with them in the first place?

Falling in love is easy for most people.
We could be interested to someone in a matter of seconds.
It’s very human.
Unless you are hard to love someone and willingly walk into love.
Like me.

But once you said the sacred three words and eight alphabets to someone,
You automatically vowed to accept them.
Their flaws, their imperfections, their bad qualities.
Not just stupidly said that you are bored because they have changed and all.
Being bored to our significant others is not a reason for us to leave them.
If it is, then no one will get married.
Or if some couples are married, they will get a divorce in less than a year.

Leaving someone because of boredom is absurd.

Instead, when we are bored of our significant others, we need to realize something.
That the relationship is way more stable than you might think.
Yes, boredom is a sign of stable and good relationship.
And it needs one’s maturity to realize that it does not mean that the relationship have to end.
It also needs commitment.

I actually said to my friend that he needs to trash his childish attitude.
He’s 26.
He’s not a petty high-schooler that could go in and out of relationship whenever he see fit.
Looking at him made me realize that there are still a lot of people that think relationships are just for fun. That they could play with someone’s heart and trash it when they are bored.

He needs to realize that relationships are not bloody video games.

And he needs to grow a pair of balls.
I used to be like that. That’s why I could say this.
But the difference is,
I was just messing with girls and not getting into relationship with them.
I didn’t even say the sacred three words and eight alphabets.
What kind of man plays with girls, makes them love him, get into relationship just to have fun and games and leave them afterwards when he’s bored?

At least I still had the goddamn heart NOT to make them love me.

Phew. Okay. Enough rant.
I just realized that it really is different when you have the experience.
I guess it is true when people say that true wisdom comes from experience.

Because wisdom comes from your capacity to learn and your ability to listen.
And the most important thing is it comes from acknowledging OUR OWN ignorance.
They said wisdom comes from age, that is also true.
Because with age, comes experiences.
And from our experiences we learned from our mistakes.
We tried not to repeat them.

And when I said “wisdom” I meant the quality of being wise.
I meant the ability to have greater thinking and make better choices.
It doesn’t even solely comes from age and experiences.
It comes from our own mind, and our faith.
It also comes from the people around us on the way they affect us with their thinking.
That’s why I always said in my previous posts to be careful with narrow-minded people.

Well, both wisdom and being wise are more complicated than we think.

Life is all about the choices we make anyway.
And our mistakes, our bad choices, and everything that happened in our life makes us who we are.
As long as we could refrain ourselves from being bitter from what happened to us, we will be fine.

To be able to think this far about wisdom, I think I’ve read too many books.

Okay. Let’s pause the reading.
I need to finish my fourth sonnet for her.
The embarrassing thing is, I finished the fifth before the fourth.
The fourth remains unfinished.

Time to finish it and show it to her before Tomorrow morning.

……

Dear Love,

What my friend said made me think of this one thought:
 

Are you a blessing or are you a lesson?

 
Surprisingly, it didn’t take me much time to answer the thought.
Because the answer is so.. Easy.

You are both.

You are a blessing.

Remember when you gave me that cake when I was stressed with my thesis?
And the book, one book that I treasure so much until this day.
You showed me just how much a person can love someone; you love me like nobody else could.

You showed me the power of words; you infused them with your love.
With all your letters, and poems.
Your poems strengthen my love for you, remember when I confessed to you after I read it?
And that time when I was about to went to your place?
I even cried happily when you wrote me that letter on our first anniversary.

You even comforted me in my worst times by assuring me that you are still there.
Remember when.. Both of us got into a problem with him?
We faced it together, hand in hand, and continued to walk together.

But.
You are also a lesson.

You showed me that some person just really need their time alone.
You showed me on how a betrayed person can completely lost her trust.
Even to someone that she loves.
That even a love that strong can completely vanished in just one day.

You showed me how bad betrayal is, that friendship betrayal is just worse than anything.
You showed me just how cynical can a person be.
With all your disbelief towards close and lovey-dovey relationship.
You don’t even want to talk to me because we have a sweet, sweet and wonderful relationship.
Yeah, it does sounds silly; but I just want to understand on what happened to you.

You showed me that my heart could be completely destroyed by a person that I so dearly love.
That one single lie, one single lie that you repeatedly defended yourself.
It could completely broke my heart to pieces.

But you also showed me that even a completely broken heart is still capable of loving.
Until this day, even though you did break my heart, I do still love you.
And the amount does not reduced.
I don’t know how am I still be able to love you after what you did to me.
Don’t ask me. I don’t even understand how.
But I guess, that’s just how amazing love is.
Love does not keeps record of wrongs.

What happened to you taught me to be a better man.
To be more understanding instead of judging.
To be more patient and wait until you can see flowers as flowers.
To make friends with time.

And most importantly, what happened to you has awakened me.
I could write this much, I could write poems for you, all because of you.
You are my muse, my inspiration.

That’s why you are a blessing, and a lesson.

I never regret that you came to my life 7 years ago.
Not even once.
Well, how could I? This feeling has been growing since the first time we said hi to each other.
Since 7 years ago.
And it’s not going anywhere, it has rooted itself deep into my soul.

Love, I don’t know when will you be able to find the love that you have for me.
You’re not strong enough after what happened to you.
You are still incapable of trusting someone.
Pistranthrophobia – is the one thing that you need to conquer.
To be able to put your faith one again to people – to me.
Love never goes anywhere. It’s still there in your heart.
Because both of us didn’t do anything wrong to each other.
It was because of someone else that both of us are unable to embrace each other now.

You did make mistakes, but again, love never keeps record of wrongs.
Heck, if it does, I wouldn’t be able to love you THIS much.
Love is amazing. It really is.
I wish you could feel the same thing as I am feeling towards you right now.

About your study, I’m glad that you’ve finished your exam.
Worry less about it, Love.
You gave it your all! You will be fine.
Let God do the rest; I’ll pray for you, always.
And about it, please tell me when will you get the result.

One last thing, is the thing that I always say every single day:
Always remember, Love, that I will ALWAYS be there for you.
No matter what.
If you want to talk to me about whatever; random things, your feelings, whatever it is.
I will always be there for you; I promised you.

Always.
 
Love,
Yours.

V.A.C.W.

 


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