I got too many unanswered questions in my head. Questions that whispered by the shade that is currently hanging on my shoulder.
Why is she being quiet? I do appreciate silence, but with explanation beforehand. Is there something going on inside her heart and mind? Is she lost inside her own mind trying to find a way out?
Why does she stop replying? She is ignoring me. I know she got people around her that she could talk to. But what’s so ‘special’ about me? Is she just too sad to interact with me? Does she constantly forget that she always have me that she could count on?
Why does she keep pushing me away? Am I suppose to turn my back on her and finally walk away once and for all for the first time since I met her? Or am I suppose to stand my ground, put her in my arms and hold her until she forgets about everything that is wrong in her life?
I don’t know and I don’t understand what is happening. I know that she’s just so fragile. She hurts and breaks easily. And maybe, maybe after what happened to her, after she has shattered to pieces, she just doesn’t know how to put herself back together.
If there’s one thing that I learned related to this is that, I know that people would forget what I do and what I said, but they will never forget on how I made them feel. And that applies to her, too. I believe she remembers how madly in love we were with each other.
I wish she would just once again remember how it feels like to lost herself in love; remember how it feels like to lay in bed together with our breaths synchronized, where our souls speak through our eyes, and we kiss with each other’s gaze.
I know she does not forget; its not amnesia, and heart does not forget. Heart will always remember all the things it has felt.
Love, do you remember?
Do you remember all our times together?
Where we talk to each other until we are sleepy at night? Where I hugged you to sleep from behind and whispered you good night? Where we kiss each other good morning when we wake up?
Just for today, do me a favor with those feelings that you can remember:
Let them wash over you and fill your heart with love; don’t be afraid; embrace it.
For me. For us.