20-01-2016.

08:11

And suddenly it’s morning.

I got too immersed in writing things on my book.
I didn’t even realize that the sun has already up since 2 hours ago.
And I haven’t even slept a wink.
I tried to go to bed early around 1 am, but my heart was aching so bad.
I had to get up and made myself a coffee.
And of course, I started writing.

I know it’s wrong to not sleep at all until this hour.
But.. I just don’t know what to do.
Laying down in my bed at night has become one of the most hated thing on Earth for me.
That’s why I usually wait until I got a headache, so my heart and mind would finally shut up and I could finally sleep, or until my body screams for rest, so I could fall asleep way faster than usual.
But when I write things, I lost track of time.
I moved into another dimension.
A dimension where my mind is nothing but a cloud hanging above the ocean.
Calmly looking at its waves, and enjoying the sound they made.

Yet, everytime I paused writing, I still think of her.
Tried not to, but she’s just unstoppable.
I don’t think I could stop her from appearing in my mind.
No, I can’t.
Because even though shes being silent, her silence is just loud.
Very, very loud.

Perhaps for most of the time she’s not sad because of what happened to her.
Shes just.. tired.

Tired of the way she has been fighting her wars.
Sadly, she’s fighting other people’s wars, too.
More for others, less for herself.
I don’t mean that being selfless is bad. It is a good trait.

But sometimes, I think she should take a better care on herself.

Because with the way she is doing right now, it will take a lot of time for her to recover herself; now that she’s spending most of her energy on others and not on herself.
She is a warrior, I know.
But she’s tired.
She really needs some rest.
Because her nights are getting colder.
And colder nights means colder hearts.
Her nights won’t getting any easier if she keeps doing this.
Heck, they have became a little too harsh on her.

I want to close her drapes.
I want to cover her up and hold her in my arms so she could feel a little warmer.
She’s been too long on the battlefield.
And every warrior needs their rest.
I know she’ll finally exhausted and stop fighting for awhile.
I know she’ll be back, back with her love and trust.
Back with her kind heart, her open mind, and her gentle soul.

She will find her way back to me.
With new feathers on her wings.
And with a newly lit raging fire in her bones.

She might be physically small.
She might needs extra strength to lift up her sword.
But shes my strongest, fiercest little girl; my bravest warrior.
And right now, I’m watching her from her back.
Watching her fighting on the battlefield.

I have unseathed swords on my both hands.
Ready to kill anyone who dares to sneak on her back, trying to stab her from behind.
I will slaughter every coward that is foolish enough to charge her from her back.

No, I won’t let anyone add scars to her back.
Her wounds haven’t even healed yet.

Looking at the scale of her war, it is actually almost over.
Few more demons, and she could finally get some rest.
But the remaining demons won’t be easy to defeat.

Even though she insisted to fight her demons all by herself,
I hope she perfectly knows that I always got her back.

I will always ready to fight by her side, ready to protect her whenever she falls.

……

Dear Love,

I felt your silence.

I know both of us lost our ways to misery.
And forced to fight on the battlefield.
My wars might have ceased.
But yours haven’t.
So I ran from my ranks.
And now, I stand firmly on your back.
Watching you fighting your demons.

I want you to know, no matter what you do, no matter what battles you are up against;
Sadness, grief, despair, fear, sorrow, whatever it is;
I was, still, and will always be your most courageous cavalry.

I will add courage to you whenever you told yourself to stand on your little feet.
Whenever you told yourself to be strong.
Whenever you whisper to yourself: “Dear heart, please have courage.”

Always remember that I will always be there for you.
It’s okay to turn your back on me.
Fight those demons.
I have your back now.

Do know that I won’t let anyone to carve wounds on your back anymore.
But only if you trust me to have your back.
Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable.
Trust me completely.
Let my love saves you, and give you strength and courage to go on every single day.

As I said many, many times before,
I promise I won’t make you regret trusting me.

I promise.
 
Love,
Yours.

V.A.C.W.

 


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