20-01-2016. [Journal]

20th January, 2016

I was in another world.
Fake world. Filled with fake things.
Fake friends. Fake lovers. Fake people.
Just almost everything but myself.
As I was standing up in the middle of the street, a strange came to me:

“None of us here are real. You, are fake too. You are dreaming. Dreaming is a disease.”

And I looked closely to people around me.
They were all holding their phones.
They were listening to lullabies, desperately trying to sleep away their life.
Another stranger came to me and said:

“You got two choices: to search for evidence that this world is fake so you will finally wake up, or sleep away your life in this world, so you’ll be dreaming to another world. The question is, is this world fake?”

I was frozen for awhile.
I looked around, there was not a single familiar face around me.
I couldn’t find her.
Then I reached my pants’ pocket.
There’s someone else’s phone.
But my name was clearly showed on its screen.
I told to myself,

“This is not my phone. This world isn’t my world.”

And suddenly all the people around me shattered like a glass.
Everything went black for a moment.
And I woke up.

I woke up old, in my late 40s.

A stranger came to the side of my bed.
He checked my pulse.
It seems like I was in a hospital of some kind.

“You’ve been sleeping for 19 years.”

Said the stranger.
I gazed across the room. It was all white.
I stood up and looked at myself in the mirror.
I really went old. My hair started to turn grey.
And then the stranger told me again,

“Everyone is waiting for you outside. Even the press.”

Everyone? Press?
Who am I? What have I achieved?
And I walked through a long white corridor, through the door.
I was finally outside.
There were people everywhere.
Camera blitzes were quickly thrown at me by the reporters.
There was an uproar.

I saw two people that I know.
They were.. Two people from my past. Two people that I knew quite well.
I asked them,

“Where is she?”

And they said,

“I’m sorry, she passed away 3 years ago.”

I was utterly crestfallen.
I instantly cried on where I was standing.
But then I remember, this could be a fake world.
I told them,

“Aren’t you guys.. Already gone from this world? Clarissa, you passed away few months ago. And Dave, you passed away 6 years ago; I went to your funeral myself.”

And again, people around me shattered.
It was like pieces of sharp puzzle made from glass hanging around in the air around me.
Once again, everything went black for a moment.

And I woke up.

I woke up on a bus.
Sitting and holding my book and pen.
I saw my unfinished third sonnet scratched on my book.
And I thought to myself,

“What a goddamn weird dream.”

I remembered that this kind of bus can only be found in her city.
I was horrified. Another dream?
And as I looked around, I heard something,

“… If I could fall.. Into the sky. Do you think time.. Would pass me by? ‘Cause you know I’d walk a thousand miles If I could just see you.. Tonight.”

It was her voice.
I instantly stood up and went up to the second deck.
Yes, it was a double-decker bus.
And I saw her, standing near the front windshield.
She was holding a rail and still singing the same song.
I called her,


She looked back with a smile.
A smile that I know so, so well.
I slowly went towards her while asking her,

“Why are you here? How did I get here? Last time I remember I was writing in my room and-“

And, once again, everything around me shattered.
Everything turned into a sharp pieces of glass like before.
Again, everything went black.

And I woke up.


I wasn’t even sure if this world that we have right now is real.
Perhaps I should look for something weird and fake so this world could change.

I remember the last time she sang that song was many, many months ago.
Strangely it was as if she sang that song just yesterday.
She definitely was not singing it for me.
But she sang it anyway.
And it was a lovely song. Our song.

Because even though we are less than a thousand miles apart, but we would do almost anything to see each other everyday. I would literally walk a thousand miles. Even if it takes me more than a year to get to her.

Okay. Now I miss her.
Hearing her singing that song in my dream was really heart-wrenching.
And I wonder;

Did she really sing that song for herself in reality?
Did she remember all the sweet and wonderful things we used to do?




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