I wanted to re-arrange my books page.
But, perhaps tomorrow. I really got a lot of things to write.
My mind is full with thoughts.
I look back and saw myself in 2015.
I think.. I know what should I do in 2016.
I also took a good look on her.
The amazing thing is, I learned so much from her, too.
Well, after reading an article, maybe this is what I could get from 2015.
And I should apply these things in 2016.
– I need to respect myself more.
Sometimes, like I said, I’m being too altruistic. It is a good thing, but for some people, who don’t know their place, they will stomp on me and use me as their doormat.
And I really hate people who don’t value other people’s kindness.
Perhaps, this is what holds me back from loving something or someone too much.
I’m afraid that they will take an advantage of me once I’m giving my all to them.
Perhaps that’s why I only had one best friend until half a year ago.
Perhaps that’s why.. I was always messing around with girls before I met her.
I was too scared to get into a real relationship; I was too scared to get hurt; I was too scared that people might just use me as their stepping stone, and no more than that.
Those thoughts went on for years. I wasn’t ready to give all that I have.
And it all changed because of her.
Perhaps that’s why I was utterly and completely devastated when the betrayal affected her.
The point is:
I don’t want people to come into my life thinking that they can play with me.
I won’t show my altruistic side as a sign that they could easily disrespect me.
I don’t know if hiding altruistic side could mean the same as respecting myself, but,
I’ll show that weak side of myself to people that could and would completely respect me.
For example : Her.
I won’t let anyone come in thinking they can play with me, and mine.
– Less procrastinating.
Oh, I believe we all do this. Me. Her. You lot. All of us.
I always did my assignments few days before the due date.
She, is way more amazing than me.
She sometimes even do her assignments and essays HOURS before the submission time.
And, again, amazingly, she always finish it right on the bloody time.
I always called her “Superwoman” because of that ability of hers.
But before she does that, she always took all of her time to research things.
And that is a good thing. I can’t really say that she’s fully procrastinating.
She actually is doing her assignments without really writing her essays.
But, for the real procrastination, I could say that it does NOT make success.
With procrastination, comes excuses.
And excuses do NOT make success.
So? Less procrastinating.
– I won’t allow myself to be a “Convenience” to anyone.
This thing have something to do with Loving myself.
There are always some people that only come to us when they need us.
These kind of people will only come to us, need us, or want us on their own fucking time.
Perhaps, people with extreme kindness won’t realize this.
Well, honestly this one could be a problem for us.
By us, I mean her and me.
She’s kind. She loves to help people.
But I believe there are some people around her that only come to her, need her, or want her just because.. They feel like it. Just because they feel like they need her or want her at that time.
In other words, those people will use her kindness whenever they want to.
This might be appear quite the same with showing more respect, but, I don’t think this is the same.
Sometimes we do not realize it when people do this to us.
But we have to.
Let’s look around us. Is there any this kind of people around us?
They would come to us when they need us. And they will disappear afterwards.
It is time to remove them from our life once and for all.
Let’s NOT allow ourselves to be a “Convenience” to anyone.
– There will be no such thing as trying to rekindle old flames.
This is for people in our life that has done terrible, terrible thing to us.
Let me put an example from what happened to her.
It has something to do with her and the betrayal those assholes did to her.
If, in some near future, there’s any of those people that would want to go back in her life,
I’m going to pray to God that she won’t allow those people back in her life.
From what I see, the flame that light up their friendship has already out.
And what’s out, is out.
I believe she is currently walking very slowly, moving forward.
Still bleeding and tending her wounds, but she’s walking.
And that’s a good thing.
So. Let’s eliminate the desire of wanting to rekindle old flames. What is out, is out.
Look at it. Has it turned to ashes?
If yes, don’t try to light it up again.
– I will stop doing random turn ups and online link ups.
What do those things mean?
Sometimes, we put so much things into our online activities.
Me with games, social medias, etc.
She does that, too.
Oh, hell, we all do.
I will start to miss the random turn ups on online people. Like, looking for friends through strangers online and shits. No. I will do less and less online link-ups.
I think I need to put my phone down, or turn my PC off for those kind of things.
Because, in the end, those who will remain with you aren’t those strangers or those people you met online that only do things with you only when they’re playing games with you. No.
Those who will remain with you are those who really, really care about you.
Those who you can tell all your thoughts and feelings to.
Those who you really Love.
Those who dearly Love you.
In short, I need to focus and surround myself with people who genuinely care for me.
Not with people that I just met 1 or 2 months ago online and I am not even sure if they even care if I’m gone. Hell, I’m sure they won’t even care if I’m suddenly gone from their life.
They will ask, but just because they really want to know. Not because they care.
So! Less random turn ups and online link ups!
– I need to protect my dreams, goals, and desires.
Like I said numerous times, when I Love something, I will give it all that I got.
Of course it covers my dreams, goals, and desires.
I won’t let anyone say bad things about them.
I will nurture them with positive energy.
It’s not that I would do any Evil or Cruel things necessary to achieve my goal.
That would be so wrong.
But, what I mean here is that I need to work harder than I ever have before, to get to where I have never been.
I have to commit and dedicate myself to my dreams, goals, and desires.
Just to let you know, she is my one of my dreams. So… Yeah.
I believe almost all things are possible.
No, let’s change that.
All things really are possible when you truly believe in you.
– And the last thing, perhaps, Is that, you, matter.
Yes, you matter.
It’s not solely about her.
It is about me, it is about her, it is about all of us.
I matter. You matter. She matters.
let’s not doubt that.
I am amazing. She is amazing. You are amazing.
Let’s not question that.
Let’s stop giving people the power to treat us like we mean nothing to them.
Like Eminem said:
“..But don’t let ’em say you ain’t beautiful, oh. They can all get fucked. Just stay true to you.”
Those listed above are what I could learn from 2015.
And I think I need to make myself better in 2016.
So, yeah, I hope all of you, too, could relate with those list.
I’m sorry about last night.
I was totally drunk.
But at least I could write you a piece.
Yes, I haven’t written it here. I need to revise it first.
Perhaps later. I still got something that I want to write.
Thoughts. Not pieces/poems.
Anyway, I remember that time I gave you the link to that Eminem song called Beautiful.
Perhaps you should listen to it again.
It’s not the beat, but the lyrics. They are powerful.
I will link it to the picture below.
Love, don’t let those people who betrayed you define your worth.
Don’t let them define your value.
You are not like what they said about you.
Yes, I believe you understand this already, but somehow I really want to say it to you.
I want you to hear it from someone else other than you.
In fact, what they said about you is actually their own reflection about themselves.
You are so much more than gossips and dramas.
Love, I want you to know that you’re beautiful in your own way.
Do NOT ever let anyone say that you are not.
If there’s anyone who says that you’re bad, ugly, and all, please tell me.
I promise I’ll help you kick their asses!
Linked to : Eminem – Beautiful.