20-12-2015.

21:29

I don’t know what is happening with me.

Since hours ago, since I started to write my last poem, my chest hurts.
And I just don’t understand why.
The feeling is just so.. Indescribable.

I remember when I sang Coldplay’s song titled Ink in front of her,

“All I know, is that I love you so. So much that it hurts.”

She laughed and said,

“Noo, don’t let it hurts!”

I laughed back and kissed her.

Perhaps the song was right.
It hurts so much because I love her so.
The pain is kind of the same with what I usually feel when I wake up.
But it usually will go away after I distract myself.
This one lingers.
Clinging like a leech.

Maybe I need to write some more.
Maybe I need to finish the special thing that I made for her.
It’s not literally an object.
It’s a writing.
A special one.
Why is it so special? Well, you have to ask her.
Because like I said, it’s going to be a thing between me and her.

But first, I need to find a way to calm myself down.

……

Dear Love,

I think I miss you.
I mean, I do miss you everyday without even realizing it.
But when I do realize it, it’s just like this.
It hurts.
I’d say it’s a good hurt.
Because it made me realize how much I love you.
How much I long for you.

I remember you said that it hurts seeing me struggling and hurting.
Did you know why?
Well, I’m not an expert in things like this, I honestly don’t know why did it hurts for you.

But, perhaps, it was because of Love.

When you felt like it’s hurting, when you felt like my writing touched your heart a lot;
It was all because of Love.

Maybe you don’t realize it now.
Maybe you ignored it for now.
Maybe you denied it away because you’re afraid.
Yes, I know deep inside your heart, you’re very, very afraid.

But when the cup in your heart is finally full, and you can’t hold back all the feelings that you have, you’ll understand what I meant.
You’ll understand why I sang that Coldplay song for you that day.

Don’t be afraid.
I know Love has made me like this. It changed me.
But Love isn’t Dr. Victor Frankenstein.
And I’m not a monster.

Would you please open your door and take a peek outside?
Even if it’s just a little bit?

Let your true feelings out.

Love,
Yours.

V.A.C.W.

 


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