12-12-2015.

16:59

I randomly remember a story about Greek myth.

Pandora’s Box.

I don’t know why, but, perhaps it’s because of the story.

According to Greek myth, Pandora was the first woman on Earth.
Zeus ordered Hephaestus to create her, from water and earth.
And Gods gave her many gifts and talents, such as beauty from Aphrodite, music from Apollo, and so on.
Hence the name, Pandora, which means “all-gifted”.

After Prometheus stole fire from heaven, Zeus took vengeance by presenting Pandora to Prometheus’ brother, Epimetheus.
Pandora was given a jar by Zeus as a present for her wedding.
But Zeus told her not to open it.

Pandora, with her curious nature, finally opened the jar.
The jar contained many evil things which were released into the world.
She hastened to close the container, but the whole contents had escaped.
Except for one thing that lay at the bottom of the jar.

Hope.

It’s like, ever since that day, she has changed.
Maybe she opened the box?
Because honestly, it’s like she’s letting all the bad things consumed her.
She even blamed herself for trusting people.
She didn’t even distinguish the bad and the good.
She let those evil destroyed her.
All she could saw was, all things in front of her eyes were bad.

Including our relationship.

And she walked away, leaving me with what’s left inside the jar.
A thing called hope.
Yes, I do hope that she would be able to wake up someday.
I absolutely don’t want her to continue being like this.

Honestly?
She’s like a.. Machine right now.
A heartless being that can only do what she was taught to do.
She might talk and do things with others.
But even a robot can have an affection towards others while feeling nothing.

I asked her once,

“What about me? About us? Don’t you think about me even just for a little bit?”

And she replied with,

“I do, but what can I do? I just can’t do it. And I think you’ll be fine.”

Well, I’m actually torturing myself by thinking of that moment.
Because, I honestly think she was being completely selfish.
I know, I’m not her. I don’t know what really happened and what she actually feels.

But I wish, I wish she could just fight for me.
I wish she could just push herself to stay in our relationship.
I wish she would allow herself to feel what she actually feels inside.
Even if it’s just a little bit.
I remember what she said to me,

“The Love is still there. At the bottom of the very bottom of my heart. But you know what is covering it? Fear. Fear, fear, fear, fear, and just fear.”

And thus, there she is right now.
Skillfully distracting herself by burying herself under her assignments and works.

I remember this poem I made for her couple days ago.
Yes, she’s strong. There is no doubt about that.
But, where does her true strength lies?

Until this day, all I could see is that she is running away from her true feelings.
And she mistook that as her being changed.
She’s not changed
She’s putting a blinder over her eyes.
Ever heard of horse blinkers?
Its a mask used to cover horse’s eyes so they won’t be able to look to their rear or side.
It’s as if her heart is wearing those right now.
So she could only see what’s on her mind, and oblivious on what’s really happening inside her heart.

Is running away from feelings called strength?
Is distracting someone’s self from their feelings can be called strength?

I never fell like this before.
This is the first time I fell so hard into despair.
Maybe that’s why it is so hard for me to stand back on my feet.
But, if there’s one thing that I learned from this,
is that we fall because we need to learn something.
Because we need to be a better person.
Again for the I-don’t-know-how-many times, better, not bitter.
Because we need to feel what we need to feel.
Because we need to learn to cope with whatever feeling that came from the fall.

And obviously not by running away from those feelings.
I’m not saying that she’s completely wrong.
But with her turning bitter, I can’t see her doing something right by running away.
Or at least I’m seeing her as running away.

……

Dear Love,

Ask yourself:
Why do you think we fall sometimes?

Love,
Yours.

V.A.C.W.


Why do we fall.jpg

If you asked the same thing as Bruce did,
My answer will always be the same as what Alfred answered.
Never.

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