05-12-2015.

04:51

I can’t sleep.

I don’t know what is wrong with me right now.
It’s like I’m bleeding all over the place.
It’s like my shattered pieces are being crushed one by one to even smaller pieces.

My ugliest thoughts and feelings are creeping in.

I think I’m going insane.
And if I really am later, at least I tried to keep myself sane by writing this.

….

I feel so pointless.
I just feel done.

I’m done with my family.
I’m done with my friends.
I don’t even know if I have one right now.

I’m done with people.
I’m done with my life and all its unfairness.

I don’t have the urge to do anything.
I don’t want to do anything.

I don’t want to feel, or think, or function.
I don’t want to watch people enjoy their lives.
I don’t want to watch people happy.

I don’t want to get up from bed.
I don’t want to sleep.
I don’t want to get up and eat.

I don’t want to fight for anything anymore.
Not even my life.

You know what I want to do?

I want to cry.
I want to cry myself a river and drown in it.
I want to drown in my own tears.

I want to punch the walls and those fucktards faces in and cry.

I want to go away.
Somewhere far far away.
Away from the Earth.
And never come back.

People tell me it’s going to be okay, but it’s not.
People pretend they know, but they don’t.
NO ONE actually cares about me.
I fucking hate everyone.

I don’t want to exist anymore.

Waking up hurts so fucking much.
My life just isn’t worth it.
It’s not worth the stress.
It’s not worth the pain.

For the first time in my life, I hate my life.
I hate myself.

I just want it to end.
That’s it.

….

God. Damnit. Please.

I need help.
I really need help.
I’m losing myself.

This is too fucking much.

 
V.A.C.W.

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