29-11-2015.

13:00

I’ve been thinking.

Right now, I don’t know if the things she said to me are true.
Because of that one fatal lie.

Like I said, she lied to me numerous times about one topic.
About her hiding her Facebook timeline.
That was one simple small topic.

I understand that she’s not always lying in every word she said.
But, from my point of view right now, she’s just can’t be trusted.
More like, I don’t know which one is true and not.

That one lie made me question EVERYTHING she said to me.

A thief will steal something from me.
A murderer will kill me.
Those are bad things, but at least I know their intentions.
But to a liar? I don’t know where to stand with them.

…….

Dear Love,

I don’t know which part of our debate few days ago that can be trusted.
You tirelessly defended yourself against me.
You were so sure with yourself back then.
But the truth was, you lied.

You know how it feels to be lied to, right?
I remember those people that betrayed you did the same thing to you.
Those people made you say, “Do you think I’m fucking stupid?” to them.

Now do you think I am?
I’m sorry, but I’m not.

And here we go, let me present you the worst part of my thoughts.
They are awful, cruel, and terrible, yes.
When you lied to me, these thoughts crept in.
Get ready to read. It’s going to be a little ugly.

You said that you didn’t do anything behind my back.
But what I can see is that you had something with that bloody guy.
You are actually playing behind my back.

You said that you only wanted to achieve your goal. And you just don’t want to have a close relationship with anyone.
But from what I can see, you just want to get rid of me.
And that’s hard, because I did nothing to you.
Because what we have, our relationship, is really sweet and wonderful.

You just wanted to do something behind my back without me knowing.
Maybe because you thought it would be hard for me to know the truth.
If that’s true, if you thought that way, I’m sorry to tell you that you’re a coward that doesn’t want to tell the truth to someone just because you thought it would hurt them.
But a harsh truth is always better than the most wonderful lie.

Maybe you’ve turned into her.
That certain girl who hide something behind her husband.
I know you understand who am I referring to.
Look at her. Remember when you repeatedly said that you didn’t want to be her? That what she did was a really horrible stupid thing?
Well guess what, now it seems like I’m the husband, you’re her, and that guy is the guy she hide behind her husband’s back.
You’ve turned into her without realizing it.

I would not be having these thoughts if I knew why did you lie to me.
But you chose not to tell me.
That amplified everything.

All those things, about why did you choose not to fix yourself, about why did you suddenly gave up on us, about why you lied to me and hide everything from me, about what I saw with you and that certain guy.
It all connected and made perfect sense.
That you are actually cheating on me.

You have another thoughts? Those are not true?
Please, by all means, enlighten me.
And tell me the truest truth.

But for this time, with what I knew, I wanted to say, be very afraid.
Not to me, I’m not a monster.
But to karma.
You saw what karma did to those people that did bad things to you.
All I could see right now, you are doing something behind my back.
You are cheating on me.
And the worst part is, you didn’t tell me the truth about everything. You even hide a simple small fact such as hiding your Facebook timeline.

I might not do something to you.
But unfortunately, karma would.

You could scream right now, “You are trying to fucking judge me!”
Well, I took all of those with a grain of salt.
But even a grain of salt is still salty.
How can I trust anything that you say if you lied to me about one simple small thing?
What’s more, you did NOT even tell me why you lied.
That’s the worst part.
And you did NOT even say sorry for the fact that you’ve lied.
Was that arrogance or self-righteous ? I don’t know.
If only you would say something to me.

If all or part of those things are true, maybe you would like to try to lie to yourself and say to yourself that those things aren’t true.
Maybe if you lie to yourself HARD enough, those things that you lied to me will become a real truth someday. Isn’t that what you want?
So you don’t need to make amends to me.
So maybe karma will scratch you off her list.

But we are sitting in karma cafe now.
I wonder what she had prepared for us?
Perhaps you want to clear things to me before she gets back.
Or maybe you just love to have your ‘food’ rotten, surrounded by flies.

Maybe.
 

V.A.C.W.

 


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