I was sitting in my pitch black room, staring into nothingness.
And I just completely realized something.

I’m a victim.
I’m a hopeless victim.

Because of what happened to her, she decided to throw away all her close relationships.
Even though I did nothing wrong to her.
So in short, I have to accept that she has changed because of what those people did to her.

I really am, a victim, huh.
It’s like I’m a innocent victim from a fucking nuclear war.

Right now, I’m actually speechless.
I’m just forcing myself to write.
But my head and my heart feel so empty.

Right now it feels like I am ONCE AGAIN forced to bury my own feelings towards her.
Once again ?

She and I had a long history since 6 years ago.
The point is, in those 6 years, I buried my feelings for her three times.
Three bloody times.
And it looks like it’s going to happen once again.
I believe she has done it first.
She buried her feelings deep since that day.

This time I will need a way bigger chest.
A very huge one.


Dear Love,

We still got a lot of things to talk about.
I don’t want my questions to fester inside me and make me worse than I already am.

I suddenly remember one thing you said to me.

“6 years. That’s how long we need to wait before we can be with each other again.”

I remember you always said that words are prayer.
It looks like that one prayer of yours was answered.




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