Yesterday, I was having a rare Skype conversation call with my friends.
Friends I’ve known online since 2-3 years ago.
And all 3 of them are actually thousands of miles away.
We were just having a normal conversation, remembering nostalgic events when we were playing a certain game together.
We used to play the game while drunk.
And I have to say, those days were awesome.
We stopped playing because two of them were having a problem with each other.
What kind of problem ? Well.. Let’s say, love problems.
And yesterday, when I thought they were fine, they did it again.
Let’s call them Varus and Lulu. And the another one Darius. Well, luckily Darius was away from keyboard.
And if any of you wondering right now, yes, I was a League player.
“Alright guys, I think I’m going to call it.” Said Lulu.
“So soon? I thought we were about to play Hearthstone or HoTS together?” Replied Varus.
“Yea, but, It’s getting kind of late.”
“No, I know it’s still around 6 P.M. over there.”
“Well yeah, but it’s still late.”
“You sure? X is here, Darius is here, It’s been so long since we talked together like this.”
“I know, I know. And I’m sorry. But I just really can’t stay.”
And the call dropped.
I thought, okay? I guess she’s busy and all? But isn’t that a bit strange?
And then, Varus called me.
“Mate, what’s with Lulu?” I asked him.
“I don’t know, you know how strange she can be sometimes.” He replied.
“Yeah but, you and her were really close back then. You guys were lovers.”
“Don’t remind me of those times. You know that she’s just using me back there. She’s just an attention whore! You know by yourself that she’s always look for attention from people around her. She needs attention. She’s breathing from it! And when her thirst for attention fulfilled, she left those people. AND, as you knew, she’s going to repeat those cycle. So please, by all that is holy, do NOT say something related to me and her. I had enough of her.”
I was speechless.
Is Lulu really that bad ?
I mean, well, over Skype she sounds fine and all.
But Varus knew her better than me. Well, she’s his ex anyway.
“Don’t be so hard on her, mate. You don’t know what she’s been through in her life.” I finally said.
“Let me tell you things about her.” He replied. “He had a problem with her father. Her father was super abusive. Okay, I understand that she had a super rough past. But that does not mean that she can treat people like shit. Just because she feels broken, does not mean the whole world shares her perspective. It does not mean the entire planet must go down in flames because of those experiences she had! Now you understand why I acted like that? Now you understand why I left her? I was almost ready to give all my life for her ! I was ready to move from this goddamn country to her place ! And she still treated me like shit. I guess she was just a bitch at personality.”
“I understand, I understand well, mate. But hey, you can’t just snap and say mean things about her. All I know, to handle people with bad bad past experience, we have to have compassion and understanding.”
“Do not teach me about compassion, understanding, or even patience, nerd. I understand that you might got more wisdom than me. You read books, you learned a lot more things than me or even Lulu. But, what really matter is the experience you got on the field. On the battle. On the real fucking war. I had enough with Lulu. That’s that.”
“Fine. Alright. I’m sorry.”
“No, yes, I snapped. Really. I’m sorry. Fuck this shit. All I want is for us to be happy playing together just like we were when we were doing that drunk arena. And you see Lulu? You see how she acted towards us? How bipolar she can be? How easily she’s triggered by simple stupid things? God damnit.”
And I went silent.
I distracted him after that. I asked him about his work as a chef.
I was.. Surprised.
Because for a moment back there I see myself in Varus.
I mean, I don’t know what is happening with Lulu and her past, but all I know is that Varus, couldn’t stand whatever Lulu was doing to him.
Look, I know whatever happened to her was different from Lulu. And her bitterness level might not as high as Lulu, but still, to see Varus struggling from whatever it was Lulu was doing to her, I kind of feel sad for him.
Even kind and patient person has their limit.
And Varus, reached his.
I really don’t want her to be like Lulu.
I mean, turned bitter because of what happened in the past.
And I, don’t want to be like Varus.
As in having a “limit” in facing something.
I’m not going to judge Lulu or even Varus. They both have their own problems.
They both have their own pasts.
I just, well, saw what a past can do to a person. At least according to Varus.
And I saw a man that has reached his limit. Heck, Varus might be stupid, but he’s kind. And when someone able to push him to his limit, that person must be something.
Lulu, must be something.
Maybe. Or maybe Varus was the problem.
I don’t know. And I don’t really want to know.
Again, I don’t want to judge anything.
I guess, this time, I could say she’s right.
There are some things that we shouldn’t know or hear.
Okay. She won this time.
I have to admit, you were right.
There really are some things that we shouldn’t know or hear.
I don’t want to judge Varus and Lulu.
And the best way to do that ? Is to be oblivious.
Although I already heard almost everything.
But yeah, again, you were right.
I learned something today.
If Lulu really was turned bitter because of her past,
I just want to say, please don’t be like her.
Don’t let your past change you into someone bitter.
Better, not Bitter.
Just one alphabet can change everything.
It might be hard for you to trust people right now, even me.
But like I said, I promised I won’t make you regret trusting me.
No. I’m not like those people who judge something solely from what they’ve heard. Hell, I don’t even want to judge anything from someone before asking the person themselves.
So do not be afraid of me.
I’m not a spider. I’m not running around with 8 legs.
I only have two arms to hold you, a pair of lips to kiss yours, a pair of eyes to see your perfect imperfections, and a heart to love you.
To love you, no matter what.