I had a debate.
But this time, it was not with her.
It was with my father.
Yesterday, I was waiting for a certain package to arrive.
The package was from US, sent using Priority Mail more than a month ago.
In theory, the package should be arrived in less than 30 days.
So I tracked the mail on a certain website, and it said it has arrived.
I told my father that I was about to go to post office to get a certain package.
And there I went, to the post office.
When I was there, one of the staff said that there are no packages addressed for me. I asked him to double-check it, but still, no packages.
I thought, “Okay ? Maybe the package hasn’t arrived yet ?”
I went back home empty-handed.
That, was the start.
“You said you were about to get a package?” He said.
“Yeah, but it wasn’t there in post office.” I replied.
“Oh? You sure the seller has sent it?”
“Well, yeah, I tracked it. I don’t know why it wasn’t there in post office.”
“You sure it wasn’t a scam?”
“Well, I don’t think so, my friend over there helped me and-”
“It’s a scam.”
“.. What? I believe I just said my friend helped me.”
“Yea but from my experience the seller must be a scam.”
And that was the start. I’m not going to write all that happened.
The point is, we had a big debate, and I was pissed off.
Less than a month experience with sellers on Ebay and he’s an expert now?
He even didn’t believe me that the seller was my friend’s friend.
He said I was just making excuses for a bad bought.
He said people nowadays can’t be trusted and blah blah blah, he was lost in his own negative thought without any positive thinking.
And he called me naive. That was the first time he called me that.
Really, now. Sigh.
I’ve contacted my friend, and he said I need to wait for few days because the web tracker is error sometimes.
It feels like, most of the people around me are being cynical recently.
My father, friends on Skype, my sister, her.
What is wrong with the world recently ?
People said, if you think people around you got a problem and you don’t,
maybe you’re the one who’s got the problem.
So, it’s a problem to always think positive ?
I am an INFP.
And, about INFP, let me quote something from a certain website,
“INFP personalities are true idealists, always looking for the hint of good in even the worst of people and events, searching for ways to make things better.”
Yes. I always think positive, even in the worst of the worst events.
Let’s not confuse that thing with Naivety.
If I’m not mistaken, Naivety is, hoping something without critical thinking.
So if you think something would be good and be alright without looking closely and carefully, without any further thinking, that’s Naive.
It’s like being positive in a bad way.
And, as far as I know, I’m not being naive.
But, personally, I think being naive is way better than being cynical.
I know it’s foolish to think something naively, but, it’s even more foolish and stupid to think something cynically.
Being cynical is to do critical thinking without hoping.
So you think something is bad, stupid, not worth it, because you ignore any other positive fact that could happen in the future.
And it’s like, pessimism is now permeating in the air around me.
Honestly, what my father said – if you heard it yourself – was totally cringeworthy.
Maybe sometime later I should ask people around me whether living a cynical life has made them happy so far. I should ask them whether being cynic causes other people to like and respect them.
Well, in her case, it’s kind of different, though. Although there’s some similarity.
I wrote her story numerous times. I’m not going to describe it again here.
And, at least, she admitted that she’s being cynical.
That’s a first step from her. A very good thing. Way better than most people around me.
But, really, people around me need to stop being so damn cynical.
Yes, I know I’ve brought this cynicism topic for few days now.
But if I wasn’t totally and utterly pissed off, I wouldn’t wrote about this topic.
I’ll say it again.
Stop being so cynical.
I’m not saying that you should just blindly believe that everything will work out just fine.
You need to balance your critical thinking and your hope.
And right now, as far as I can see, your mind is tilted on one side.
On your critical thinking part.
Don’t mistake your cynicism for realism.
I remember you said to me NOT to be like those 2 people that you knew so well.
You said that to me numerous times.
You even went confused as of why one of them was being so cynical.
So we actually have examples of people being so damn cynical.
Do NOT let yourself become like them.
You already saw what bitterness and cynicism did to them.
Yes, I know you must know how they feel. But do NOT be like them.
Good bitterness can only be found on bittergourd. Right?
And I was asking myself, why our wonderfully wonderful relationship is the reason for you to unable to talk freely to me ?
This is the part that I do not really understand. No matter how much I think.
Plus, you keep telling yourself that loveydovey relationship does not exist.
While in fact it is already right there, deep in your heart.
You need to realize that you’re in complete denial right now.
Maybe you need to go to glasses shop tomorrow.
You need to change those glasses lens of yours.
Because right now you are looking through your shadowy perspective.
You start to seek out and focus on the worst in people.
As you know, I am not wearing glasses, but I promise the world looks so much better when you view it from a positive lens.
You’ve admitted that you’re being cynical towards relationship.
That was your first step. You took it without knowing it.
Now, take another step.
Look through the lens of positivity.
Cherish what you currently have. Do not look at them with a jaundiced eye.
I know it’s not always easy being positive.
Some days down right suck. Yes, it happens to me, too.
I do know however, that the more I’ve practiced seeing the good in the world,
the more good I’ve been able to see.
Remember that not all people will use your kindness and/or destroy you.
Don’t give up.
Don’t let go of what you have. Especially yourself.
Don’t live in denial. The rent sucks, and the living cost is huge.
If you think denying yourself of love makes you strong, you’re wrong.
It makes you completely weak. Especially when you do it out of fear.
So don’t be afraid of me. I’m not a ghost. Or a bug. Or a spider.
Take another step now. Keep walking. Don’t stop moving.
Muster your courage. Believe that everything will be okay.
Always remember that I will always be there for you no matter what.