I was unpacking things i brought from my old place.
I packed them in a hurry. I put similar things in one box, and another similar things in another box.
I opened a box filled with papers and books. (not my precious books. University books.)
And I found a letter addressed to myself.
Where the hell this thing was when I was writing about things related to me and her and posted it?
I remember I was searching it when I was packing.
I thought it’s lost forever.
And I found it just now on this special day.
Let’s call it coincidence.
Although some people say there’s no such thing as coincidence.
Well, I wrote the letter, to myself, in case of.. Emergency.
The envelope has been torn open.
I remember opened it 3 weeks ago.
Yet that day, i was only looking for this one sentence :
“Never never never ever give her up. Never.”
In bold, and underlined.
This time, I made myself to read what I wrote.
I am not going to write all the things that i wrote in the letter.
I am going to highlight the points in the letter.
13th June 2015.
Dear Future X,
I wrote this letter to remind you that on this day, this hour, this minute, this very second, I am happy. Very happy. And i hope you’re feeling the same thing.
Remember how much you love to see her write. She skillfully pour out her feelings by writing them in her “Magic” Book. Remember how perfect she is in your eyes.
Remember when you hugged her ? She’s so small, so frail. And you felt like you can protect her from any kind evil in this world just by hugging her.
Remember the first time you said you love her ? Do you remember how hard it was to find your words and finally say it ? And the smile she made after ?
Remember the first time you hugged her ? I bet she was blushing. Remember the first time you kissed her ? You even stupidly asked if you are allowed to do that. She’s perfect. You best remember that.
“I am yours, and you are mine.”
“Until death do us part.”
Remember when you were with her everyday ? You and her were so happy together, doing things together everyday.
Remember when you were about to go home ? She was crying her eyes out, and you felt so powerless. Remember when you hugged her before you went through the passenger gate. Remember how hard it was to turn your back to her. Remember how you hate to see her crying. Don’t make her cry.
Remember the anniversary ? When you were happily crying because she loves you THAT much. Because she loves you like nobody else could.
Remember how afraid she is to lose you ? How afraid she is that this just a dream. Never, ever, stop loving her.
Remember all of this. Remember how she asked you not to give up even in the most difficult situation ? She promised you she won’t give up. Then you should, too. Never Never Never Ever Give Her Up. Never. Love her everyday. Remember, giving up is easy, living with it is hard.
When all seem lost, ask for her “Magic” Book. Remember everything you and her have been through. Never, ever say goodbye. Whatever happens, fight, make your way to her.
From you, for you and for her. Love her
forever -> nothing lasts forever. Change it with ‘until death comes.’
Thank you, past me.
The letter gave me new confidence and hope.
No, I will never give up.
She told me not to. Even in the most difficult situation.
I believe she remembers.
I remember when I said that you might never read this letter.
Seems like I wasn’t completely wrong. You still won’t be able to know what I really wrote.
Again, what I wrote in this post is not what I wrote in the letter entirely.
The actual letter is like, three times much longer.
And today, on this special day,
I am going to challenge you to do something.
I hope you’re going to accept it.
Take a deep breath, meditate yourself.
Once your heart finally calms down and your mind cleared,
Open your study table’s drawer.
read your “Magic” Book. Right now.
Let today be your first step for you to find your way back to me.
Open your door.
Open your heart. Even if it’s just a little bit.
Let our moments wash away all your fear.