05-11-2015.

I began to realize something.

I think I wrote similar post on 30th October 2015.
But, I’m going to write what’s in my head right now anyway.

It’s about her.
She seems happy on the social media.
In her games, too, i guess, when she meet her on-line friends.
But, if only they know what she feels inside.
If only they know what she’s going through right now.
Maybe she’s crying every night.
Maybe she’s struggling to go to sleep, overthinking things.
If only they know.

I know.

I actually don’t want to assume anything.
She once told me that her life is not as beautiful as I saw on the outside on the social media.
And today, I begin to fully understand what she meant.
My understanding level has gone up.

Yes, it pained me, made me jealous, made me flustered when i saw her doing happy things on the social media.
Laughing here and there, and blah blah blah.
But now I understand that maybe it’s.. Her way to recover.
She just needs time.
For I don’t know how long.
And like I said, she doesn’t know either.
Everything can change in just one day.

Love is about understanding.
I believe most people knew that.
But, after seeing her condition, and my condition,
After a day of contemplating things,
I realized there’s more than just mere understanding.

Love is selfish.
Like Dante Alighieri said in his poem,
“Love insists the loved loves back.”
You won’t want someone you love, love another person.
And usually with that, comes jealousy.

But when you really love someone, you understand more, and demand less.
True love is when you can be resentful, when you can be self righteous.
But you choose not to.
You choose to understand.

I saw what happened to her, what happened to me. To us.
And I, chose to understand.

……

Dear Love,

Weeks of being ignored has made me one hell of a thinker.
One hell of a scribbler. (I’m not a writer, not like you.)
And one hell of a lover.
Now, I kind of understand why universe made us going through all of this.
Universe is preparing me to be the best person for you.
For us.
And the universe is also preparing you to finally see who’s going to stay with you for the rest of your life.
Who can, and can’t be trusted.
And who will always love you no matter what.
That’s me.

When we finally get through this terrible storm we’re having,
I believe all of our questions will be answered with our happiness.
Have faith.
Don’t give up.

Love,
Yours.

V.A.C.W.
 


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