03-11-2015.

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I keep having nightmares lately.
Not exactly nightmares. Most of them are weird dreams, or bad dreams.
Not really as horrible as nightmares.

What kind of dreams?
How weird are they?
….

About a week ago, I was dreaming,
I saw her chatting, messaging one of my friends.
They talked about a lot of things. They laughed, they looked so happy in their conversation.
And i saw a flash of her face, and my friend’s face. They were smiling.
And then I woke up. I immediately went to my friend’s room in a rush.
He was playing an unknown game.
I asked for his messenger ID.
… He didn’t even have one.

Another one.
I read a lot of books at an amazing speed since few weeks ago.
Some of them are Game of Thrones series.
And i was dreaming.
She was one of the Renly Baratheon’s (a self proclaimed king) kingsguard.
With that small, frail body of hers.
She’s in her armor.
She was holding a sword that was almost bigger than her.
I approached her, asked her what was she doing.
She said, “I am king Renly’s sword now. I am sworn to protect him. You should give up your hope with me. My life is in the battlefield.”
I was shocked.
I immediately woke up.
I sat in my bed, covering my face with my both hands, and muttered to myself,
“.. I read too much book.”
Or maybe i think about her too much everyday.

Another one.
I saw her updating her Facebook page.
Or her messenger profile.
This dream happened numerous times. almost every time i went to nap, or sleep.
And what was she doing varies for every dream.
– She changed her profile picture to a photo she took with someone unknown.
– She made a happy status about something, and her friends came and commented on it.
– She messaged me, asked me to turn on my skype and talk to her.
– etc.

Another one.
I saw her crying in bed, whispering things about what happened to her that I didn’t even understand.
This one actually made me so devastated.
I can’t stand seeing her sad and crying all by herself without me doing anything.

Another one.
I was dreaming.
Me and her went to a beach.
We had fun together, even recorded some videos.
And when I was about to kiss her, I woke up.
The dream made me write this poem.

….
I know I miss her so bloody much, but,
constantly dreaming about her everytime I to go to sleep is something else.
Maybe that’s the reason I’m having restless sleeps recently.
Damnit, brain.
I think of her almost every time when I wake up. Can’t you think something else other than her when I sleep?
Am I missing her THAT much?

People said when you dream about someone, that means they influenced your life heavily.
And when you dream weird or bad dreams, even nightmares, they usually come from bad experiences you had with the person you dreamed of.
I remember she told me she was having nightmares everytime she went to sleep.
I think I understand why she was having nightmares.
Although, my case is different from hers.

I miss her so bad. But I can’t be selfish and demand things from her right now.
She needs time, yes, yes, yes. I said this to myself countless times.
I need more patience and understanding to match the amount of love i have for her.
Anyone knows where can I buy them?
Anyone reading this selling them right now?

……

Dear Love,

There are still a lot of things, not only dreams, that I want to tell you.
But you won’t even talk to me.
Yes, my dreams about you are stupid, and definitely not true.
I know you’re fighting your own battle to recover right now.
And I know – although I don’t completely understand why – you don’t want any help from me.
I understand that inside, you’re definitely not as happy as people might look.
Always remember, that I will always be there for you.
No matter what happens. I’m not going anywhere.
You know that I’m always in your heart. Even though you locked and barred your door with your fear, I’m right outside, speaking and whispering things to you.
If only you would peek out or put your ear against the door, even if it’s just for a little while..
Please don’t get bored with me remind you of things like this.
I’m doing this, because I love you.
Always.

Love,
Yours.

V.A.C.W

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