30-10-2015.

original


 
I know what people might think if I tell them what I’m going through right now.

“How could she ?”
“Then why are you sticking around like this ?”
“She’s up to no good. I can feel it.”
“Either you’re stupid, or she’s just selfish as fuck.”
“Haven’t you got something more important to do ?”

The best response i might get are,

“Be patient. Time will heal her.”
“She needs space. Don’t worry.”

Those responses are all okay.
The best responses are mostly true.
I understand why some people think she’s bad,
and why some people think that she needs more time.

But they don’t understand me. They don’t understand her.
They don’t understand us.
Well, no one can fully understand other people’s situation.

….

When i was little, i had this one favourite watch.
It was an ordinary kid’s watch, made of plastic, with blackish blue color.
It was my only treasure. I wore it everyday and everywhere.

One day, the watch gone missing.
People in my house searched for it, in every corner, every nook and cranny.
They didn’t find it.
I cried for days, almost a fortnight, because of that watch.
It was the only thing that i have, the only thing that i love.

Until one day, when i was sobbing, frustrated because of the watch,
I turned on my computer, was about to play an old game called Supaplex.
As i slid out the keyboard tray,
It was there.
On the top of the dusty old keyboard.

I was screaming. In joy.
“It came back to me !” Was my thought.
Well i played the computer game almost everyday. But the day before, it was NOT there.
I didn’t know who put it over there.
Or maybe the watch was simply jumping to the keyboard tray, waiting for me to find it.
It was slightly cracked, and the battery was dead.
But i didn’t care. It came back to me. I didn’t even care if it’s completely broken and won’t be able to function like a normal watch.
It was my one and only treasure.
I had it once again. I was overjoyed.

I guess, this is what I am.
When i love something, or someone, i make them part of my life.
I wear them like jewels, not to show them, but just to keep them close to me.
I treasure them. I don’t want to lose them.
I will fight to the death for them.

But when they suddenly gone missing,
I’m turning into the saddest person in the world in one blink of an eye.

Just like what is happening right now.
There is nothing i can do to help her.
And sitting around waiting while someone that i love is fighting her war all by herself, is definitely something that i hate.
It made me feel useless.

When I love, I love really hard. Often too hard.
Maybe sometimes I’m too altruistic.
Maybe people would say that It’s a bad thing.
But I don’t care what people might say.

I am what I am.

……

Dear Love,

I know i said this countless times.
But don’t give up.
Don’t lose your way.
Don’t let what happened to you change you.
Be yourself, Don’t be afraid to show your true colours.
Let people talk behind you.
Let them think whatever they want to think.
I don’t care if you’re cracked, broken, or whatever you call yourself.
I’ve seen you at your lowest point. And I will still love you just the same.
Don’t be afraid to love, don’t be afraid to trust.
Do not fear me. I am not a monster.
Don’t let what happened to you made you fail to see trustworthy people around you.
You just need to open your eyes and heart a little bit wider.
Embrace your love.

Love,
V.A.C.W.

 

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