21-10-2015.

She’s on vacation abroad with her family. For maybe a week or less, I’m not quite sure.
I wish the vacation could refresh her mind. Make her energized, and able to see things differently when she comes back later.
There is just one thing that i need to cope up with.
It’s the fact that in her condition right now, I’m not her priority anymore like I used to be.

Let me explain.
She will take photos, yes, of course. It’s a vacation. Taking photos for memories is somehow a must.
But when she come back, she probably wouldn’t tell me how was the vacation going.
I don’t even know when will she come back.
I told her if she feels like telling me when she’s back home, please do tell me.
And i don’t think she’s going to tell me.
Heck, i don’t even know is she’s enjoying her vacation with her condition right now.
She will (or won’t), maybe, post the photos online. On Facebook. Messengers with timelines. Etc.
Back then she would spare me some photos she took for my eyes only. In her own unique expression.
And i loved it. I saved and treasured it.
I don’t think she would do the same thing for me this time.
In short, no special treatment. Not with her condition now.

I don’t even know what she thinks about me right now.
She said it’s hard to talk to me because in her condition right now, she can’t make herself back to be what she was. And she knows it’s torturing me.
And knowing me tortured everyday hurts her even more.
Like i said, She’s currently going through a bad bad friendship breakup, i know.
She even said to me, “right now i really can’t think positive about us. A relationship with people will be like business relationship. You can leave whenever you want when you’re done and i won’t get hurt”.
Fortunately, my ‘business’ with her isn’t done yet.
I need to make her happy everyday for the rest of her life.
I said it few times to her, which i know she doesn’t forget.

……

Dear Love,

I’m not a businessman.
Unless the business here is to love you and make you happy until death’s calling me, then I’ll be glad to do it.
And i know you have your own love for me, hiding somewhere in your heart, too afraid to come out.
And you’re too afraid to search for it.
If you want a business partner, i can give you business partner. In love.
Let’s sign the contract. In front of your family and my family.
The first point would be to love and take care of each other until death do us part.
Yes, that’s stupidly cheesy as hell. I know.
But you love cheesy things. No ?
I just want live my life in love with you and make you happy.
That’s all i want. And nothing else.

Love,
V.A.C.W.

love

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