21-10-2015. [2]

I made a terrible terrible mistake.
I never knew the fruit of impatience can be this bad.

Well,
I was asking her how she’s doing with her vacation abroad.
I was missing her so bad, yes, i was being impatient although i said to myself to be patient until she’s back home.
Now i feel slight regret over that.
Like i said, i was asking her how she’s doing. She didn’t reply, as usual.
And.. I forced her to reply.
I said to her, maybe because she’s feeling better over there, maybe because she’s on vacation, and maybe because it seems like she’s able to talk with some people around her.
And i said sorry.

And.. well, she blocked me from her LINE messenger timeline.
Because she knew i knew what she’s doing from her LINE timeline.
Damnit.

I was having the worst breakdown in my whole life an hour ago.
Whole body was shaking, i cried my eyes out, i screamed like crazy.
It felt like she’s leaving me. It felt like she doesn’t have her love for me anymore.

I’m all good now, though.
I guess.. I learned something.
I learned what impatience could bring. In the hardest possible way for me right now.
Her avoiding me and not replying my message is already hard enough.
Now with her blocking me from her LINE timeline, it’s even harder for me.

No, reader, i won’t give up.
When i was hurting and breaking down, i screamed to myself not to give up.
I’ve come this far, I finally have her after all we’ve been through.
I am not going to give up because of something that i didn’t do.
I did some mistakes, but i learned. We all do.
I am going to push forward.
Yes, i know i am going through hell.
But just as Winston Churchill said,
“Never, never, never, never give up.”

Again, lesson learned. The hard way.
i need to be patient. Impatience brings disaster.
I need to work on my ability give her space, her time alone.

God help me.

……

Dear Love,

I’m sorry for what i did today.
I know i was being impatient. Despite what you said about wanting to be alone.
Right now i have one small regret.
I wish i didn’t force you to answer my messages.
I made a mistake. I’m sorry.
But, what happened today, made me a better person.
Lesson learned about impatience. In the hardest way possible.
It’s as if you slapped me in the face virtually and told me to be patient
It’s as if you angrily told me to remember to leave you alone in your condition right now.
Now, i believe, every time i’m going to lose my patience, i will always remember what i did to you.
And the consequences i got.
Again, i’m sorry.
I know you too learned your mistakes from what happened with you.
Just, few things :
Do not misinterpret the lessons you took.
Do not let them make you a bitter person.
Let them make you a better person, not the other way around.
And together, we will see each other become a better person, day by day.
For us.

Love,
V.A.C.W.

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