18-10-2015.

I saw her photo today.
She changed her profile picture to a photo she recently(?) taken.

And it evoked so many feelings.
The strongest was how much i yearn for her. How much i miss her.
The feeling was so strong, i even tried not to cry the instant i saw her photo.
And i cant hold it, i told her how much i miss her, how much i yearn for her.
I remind her how much i love her.

I said ‘many’ feelings.
Besides the winning feeling, the yearning, there’s more.
I saw sadness and pain in her eyes.
It’s as if she’s screaming “help me. It hurts so fucking bad” with her eyes.
Or “you don’t understand me. You won’t understand how much it hurts. You better shut the fuck up” with her expression.

… For 10 minutes i tried to recall what else did i feel the instant i saw her photo.
But the yearning always came to the surface.
I miss her, i miss her, i miss her, and i miss her. So bad.

I don’t know what she felt when i said to her how much i miss her, how much i yearn for her, and how much i love her.
But i do wish she would at least understand my feelings.
Wishing her to feel the same thing seems too far fetched.
I don’t think she can bring her love out for me to see in her condition right now.
I can only hope, can’t i?

……

Dear love,

It’s been 48 days since the last time i saw your smile.
I miss you. i want to hold you in my arms right now and tell you that everything is going to be alright.
Looking at your photo made me even thirsty for your love. I need you. I need you to quench my thirst.
Because it’s as if i’m swimming on the sea of loneliness right now.
And everyone knows you can’t drink sea water.
And with me writing down the last words on this random writing today,
I can only be patient and waiting for you to find your way back to me.
Because, as you said, not even the universe can blind you from finding your way to me.
Don’t give up.
Even miracles take a little time.

Love,
V.A.C.W.

dark-b4-dawn-2

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